My Journey to Motherhood

Being a mom was something I never thought too much about growing up. I was not a girl who knew one day she wanted to be a mom, let-alone a stay-at-home mom, that phrase honestly terrified me to my core. To be totally transparent, it made me sick to my stomach to think about sacrificing my dreams to raise children. The thought of raising children did not sound like something I would enjoy. I was the girl who didn't need a turn holding the baby in the room, no thanks. I'll pass, was usually my line when asked if I wanted to hold one. I babysat one time in high school for our neighbors for 3 hours. Never again.

Noah was a surprise. Johnny & I had only been married 3 months when I got pregnant. I was a senior in college and we were full time youth pastors. I had so many dreams of working in my field and pursuing things that I wanted to accomplish. To be honest, I cried so hard when we found out I was pregnant. I took 8 at home pregnancy test, EIGHT y'all! Just to be sure it was for real! We told our parents very soon after and three days later I went to the clinic to get things going. Then, a huge shock, the pregnancy test at the clinic came back NEGATIVE! I was so devastated. I remember calling my husband who was in California on a work trip just bawling so hard in complete despair. It was incredible how quickly God changed my heart from being devastated to learn of the pregnancy to then be in in such sorrow over a negative test.

Obviously, the test at the clinic was wrong (apparently that never happens) and Noah was born 9 months later. My pregnancy was typical, filled with nonstop sickness, cravings, and exhaustion. But I genuinely loved every minute of being pregnant. The moment Noah was born I was ready to do it all again. Seriously, who would have thought?

I was so in love with my son. I remember saying to Noah as they laid his tiny self on my chest, "You are even more wonderful that I imagined" and he was. He is. My heart grows every day with each hug, kiss, and smile he gives me. The precious words he says continually bless me in the most tender ways. Even on those hard days when being a mom is just hard, I love it. 

Watching Noah explore this world has been incredibly exciting. His raw feelings, emotions, and thoughts are refreshing on a day-to-day basis. Olivia's stoic expressions are so priceless. Her laugh is just as contagious as her brothers. Their little arms around my neck calm my soul. 

Looking back I realize how terrified of the unknown I was. Never understanding before children just how caught up in my dreams I was, instead of pursuing the dreams God had for me. I never knew how selfish of a person I was before becoming a mother. Our children have taught me to serve Christ and to serve others in ways I never thought possible. They've taught me to truly think outside of myself. Caring for them everyday is truly a joy and a privilege that I hold onto.My heart rejoices that I am the mother of two sweet babies here on earth and two sweet ones in heaven that we never got to meet. Thankful for the gift of motherhood. Praying there are more little ones in our future. I'm so thankful the Lord knew when to bless us with each of our babies. This journey of motherhood is the the walk of a lifetime.

~brittany

Noah's Song. The Sweetest Moment as Parents.

A few weeks ago we were sitting together singing and playing the guitar. Johnny started singing songs to both kids. During Noah's turn I decided to take some pictures. Then we noticed Noah's reaction to the words his daddy was singing to him. This has to be one of the sweetest moments as parents that we have ever experienced. His precious tender heart came through on this night.

We are so blessed by this little boy of ours. 

~brit

Celebrate: Noah turns 4

Monday our little Noah turned 4 years old. Time has gone by too quickly. Sometimes I'll just take moments to remember his precious face as his eyes fall asleep. The color of his red lips are just too perfect. His kind heart is always encouraging on the days that are a challenge. He continually surprises us with all the charisma he has in his tiny little self. The moment we think we know exactly how he will react to a situation, he surprises us. He is full of so much joy, laughter, and so many silly faces. The things he comes up with continually surprise us.

There are so many sweet moments from this past year that I want to remember. The day he met his sister, how his eyes lit up. The way he always snuggles so sweetly on the couch nearly every night with me. The way he adores his daddy, wants to be just like him in every way. And the evening him & I were riding in the car and he asked me to help him know Jesus. He asked me to pray for the power of Jesus. (in those words). My heart fills with so much joy as I remember leading him in the prayer to ask Jesus to live in his heart.  

this year has been sweet with him.

Monday morning we filled his room with balloons of his favorite color, blue & red. That evening we celebrated Noah's special day with cake on the back porch and he opened a puzzle from us. We put it together many times before he ran free in the backyard with his daddy. Olivia & I enjoyed watching them run like crazy and jumping into the pool. Noah in his undies with the balloons makes my heart so happy. He kept saying all evening, "mommy daddy this is the best day ever! thank you for my birthday party." It doesn't take much to make little ones happy. 

It was so nice enjoying this sweet day of his as a family. 

~brit

One. Two.

Then there were two. 

Honestly, most days it still feels very surreal that we have two.

Almost unbelievable that I get to be the momma of two little ones.

I am blessed to care for them everyday of my life. 

to pour into their little beings. 

to protect them. speak truth to them. 

guide their hearts & minds. 

pray over each one.

snuggle up to, laugh with, and enjoy. 

the truth, 

they challenge me beyond what I ever thought to be capable of. 

(my 3 year old in particular) 

they push me to be kinder, more gentle, and to understand loving unconditionally.

especially when the circles under my eyes are very dark, my hair hasn't been washed in nearly a week, and I would do just about anything for a solid 5 minutes alone with my thoughts.

we have a new normal now. bath time looks just a little different these days. Olivia is keen on being held so bath time sometimes includes lots of crying while we wash up. Poor girl is a very colicky baby so mommy usually straps on a sling to tote Olivia around for 3-4 hours a night. Anything to help soothe my princess. Noah is at a place that he just misses daddy a whole lot. The picture above is from him screaming because he wanted to go with Johnny some place. As a mom the opportunity to be kind to him when I'm exhausted arises nearly every day. I'm so thankful the Lord pours into me grace and kindness on a regular basis because without that life with littles would be very hard.

 I've been getting these types of questions often, 

"how is it with two?"or "Its a whole different ball game with two huh?"

yes it is. honestly, its not always easy or pretty. but it really, really is wonderful.

Truly these little people bring me much joy & encouragement.

Already, they bring true happiness to my heart when the enemy tries desperately to steal my joy.

These two put smiles on my face when life is a bit uncertain. 

the last two months have been the most challenging of my life. 

there have been times when I literally felt as if I were fighting for my life. 

the enemy trying to steal our happiness by attacking my health.

but the promises of the Lord are proven to me in my babies. 

The Lord is so faithful. each one of my children are specific reminders of who God is to me.

Noah is healing. 

One in heaven is peace. 

Another in heaven is grace. 

Olivia is my faith baby.

I'm so thankful for each of their lives.

In the moments that I'm feeling really tired, or theres potential to feel overwhelmed I simply remember how blessed I am by them. I've prayed so hard for their lives, health, and they are such a joy! I really just want to kiss their sweet baby cheeks, and snuggle up with them all the time. I really am enjoying being a momma of two. 

Happy Monday.

~brit

Monday, Saying Yes.

Oh this little guy of mine. Monday was a sweet day with him.

Johnny & I often play the game scattergories after dinner when we have friends over or with our college small group. We keep the game in the hutch in the kitchen & Noah occasionally will open the door and request to play it at random times. I usually redirect him to something else because...well... I know he is too little for the game and I don't feel like trying to keep up with pieces & whatnot. Just being honest.

So when he asked Monday to play & I said yes, it was as if I said we were going to disney land. His little face lit up & he was so proud to be playing it. This little man sat across from me with so much intrigue, patience, and excitement to play this game with his momma. I felt so guilty that my usual answer to us playing this game together is, no. I made up a few rules to help us have a good time & he was so happy.

We also did our usual painting.

We've been working on this little wooden puppy from Michaels for a week now. 

Monday Teddy got dressed too. 

That evening we went to a friends house for dinner & had such a great time just hanging out.Noah was in heaven outside & the kids picked these pretty flowers. I came home to find the perfect little place for them. It was a happy Monday!

~Brit

Bad Attitudes are Joy Killers.

First a video to prep you before you read this post. ha. this is my child. yes, he's sticking berries from outside into his belly button. He just started doing it once I hit record. oh my.

Wednesday & Thursday last week were pretty rough for this momma. Noah got into some poison ivy/oak & it made him very agitated in regards to his temperament. My usually over the top sweet, snuggly, care free little Noah was a bit of a challenge - to say the least - for his mom. I'll spare you with the three year old antics but I'll just say it was a bit much by Thursday afternoon. Around 3 pm I found myself sitting alone in my room counting the minutes until Johnny would walk through the door from work. To rescue me. On the verge of tears. I never do that. Well unless sickness has taken over.

Sitting there, I just felt sad. 

Sad that my patience wasn't more abundant.

Sad that my three year olds change in attitude had the ability to determine my own.

Sad that as a momma I wasn't able to muster up enough grace to give to myself & to my son.

Sad that instead of enjoying the last two days I'd spent them in - nearly - constant discipline mode. 

Discipline mode is such a joy killer. So are bad attitudes. His & Mine.

Although, those two days were totally frustrating & made me feel like my sanity was in question (not really) I still wouldn't change anything. I wouldn't change the fact that Noah clogged up the toilet with an entire roll of TP. Smushed blueberries into the carpet. Purposefully dropped peaches all over the kitchen floor. Pooped in his pants 3 times (when he knows not to). Threw a fit in McAllisters over mac n cheese. And landed in time out way too many times to count. Or refused to play in the sprinkler after his preggo momma drug the very heavy thing out there. (its not your average sprinkler)

I wouldn't change it because I know in 15 years my heart is going to ache like never before when I watch him graduate high school. Start college or pursue his dreams that might lead him away from me. I am going to wish so badly that a time machine could swiftly take me back to this week that was a bit funky & bad. Instead my heart will break while rejoicing at the wonderful young man I know he will have become. I'm thankful that despite the few times he made a trip to time out - that maybe I could have let slide - that he shows me grace & loves me ten minutes later like nothing happened. My biggest adventure has been becoming his momma & figuring this journey out on my own. 

This post was a bit random. Just to let you know that not all is sunshiny weather in the land of motherhood for this lady. Some days are rough. Some days I never sit down, get a break, or feel like I can breath without my little one needing me. And apparently now somedays I sit in my room all gloomy waiting to be off momma duty. Just keeping it real. 

Someday will come too soon when I will desperately want these somedays back.

Just saying.

~Brit

A Dimple: Our Reminder of Healing

Forever I just want to keep him so close to my heart.

My little Noah turned 3 on May 12. Noah came into our lives as a very big surprise. Johnny & I were only married 3 months when we learned I was two weeks pregnant. Life was a bit crazy at that time as we were in full time ministry (youth & college), I was a full time student, and we lived in an apartment on the church property. Perhaps Noah was not a part of our life plan at that time, but the Lord knew exactly what he was doing when he gave us our son.

When I was 5 months pregnant we learned Noah had kidney problems. The rest of my pregnancy I saw a specialist often & had ultrasounds every month. (The fun ones that our 4D) The doctors worked with us on a plan of action for Noah to have immediate surgery & on going care because one of his kidneys was very large for his tiny self.  Noah came three weeks early and he was born just over 6 lbs. after 22 hours of labor & his mommy having some intense complications. The Lord was faithful to us through it all. Immediately after he arrived the specialist completed an ultrasound & a few other test on him to prepare for surgery. However, the Lord had already healed him. His little kidneys were perfect & he has never had a problem. The only reminder we have of his kidney problems is the tiny dimple on his right ear. The specialist explained that the reason for the dimple is because the kidneys & the ears develop at the same time. Often when there are problems with the kidneys in the womb there is a small dimple in the ear that forms. For us it is the perfect reminder of the Lords faithfulness in healing our little Noah. 

This baby. He has always been silly & making us laugh.

He has never been afraid to show us how he truly feels.

& napping anywhere has never been a problem for him.

There has not been a single day to pass that our little Noah has not brought us true joy & laughter. I have been looking over the hundreds, thousands of pictures I've taken of him over the last three years & my heart is so full as I thank God for giving him to us. Thankful for his healing. We were not sure of the timing when we found out we were expecting, but God knew exactly what he was doing. Excited for this new year with our little man! Happy he will be a big brother soon.

Happy Thursday!

~Brit

Linking up with Lovely Little Whimsy for Thankful Thursdays.