The Lies He Feeds Me.

{to be honest. this is kinda ugly. messy. real. I hope that is okay.}

I was blessed by Ashley from The Story Project when she invited me to link up for a campaign called, Overcoming the Lie. This lady has a beautiful heart & is living out what the Lord spoke to her heart. I had planned this Valentines Craft week kinda on a whim but I knew I couldn't make it an entire week without sharing my heart. So let me share some truth with you about my life right now.

A few weeks ago I shared this post, about the loss of our sweet babies to be. Then I shared this post. And a few more post over the last month. To be honest, I've been doing really good, considering. I've had moments that I just am really sad & I don't want to do anything. I've had days that Joy is so alive in my heart that I question, "Is there something wrong with me that I'm this happy when I should be sad?" Of course that is the enemy whispering a lie to me, that there is something wrong with me. I know that the Lord is showing his goodness, his faithfulness to me - giving me joy - during this time when my heart aches. 

However, Tuesday was a really hard day. Like, really hard! 
I had pre-blogged for the whole week sharing pretty crafts but as I read over it once it was posted - I kinda felt ashamed. Ashamed that it appears that I'm happy go lucky making crafts & all is peachy in life. When in reality, the truth - the truth is that on Tuesday I cried almost the entire day! 

I woke up with such a heavy heart. I was waking up {on day 4 of little sleep because my mind is constantly going} exhausted. All day Tuesday I allowed the enemy to whisper lies to me...

A few of The Lies:
you will never have more children.
your heart will always ache.
you will never have freedom from these two losses.
you will never have joy when you think of the two babies who are with Jesus. not with you.
if you pursue adoption, it will not go as planned. there will be too many difficulties. 
there is probably something wrong with you.

It was bad friends. It was an ugly, gross, crying, enemy believing kinda day. The kind that all I wanted to do was, nothing. Have you ever had one of these? Please tell me you have. ha.

By 2 pm on Tuesday I was tired of crying, tired of not choosing Joy, living life, and enjoying my beautiful little man Noah. I had received one of the sweetest facebook messages from a friend who I met at Influence. She sends me sweet message often. This one said she prays that I can find hope. (among many other things).

Oh Lord I cried even more because the Lord used my friend to speak to my heart the words I needed to hear. To have hope, find joy, keep living. I forced myself to get up, get dressed, and get out of the house. I decided to run from the lies. And run to the Lord instead. The truth, the truth is that it had been 2 days since I pulled out the word, or even got on my face before Jesus. Asking him to work these things out in my heart. 

It had been 48 hours that I genuinely worshiped from the depths of my heart. Giving praise to my savior who promises to never forget me. leave me. forsake me. hold me. bring me joy. restoration. freedom. I had let 2 whole days pass without spending quality time (more than just a few minutes here & there during the day) with the God who makes beautiful plans for my life. Plans that work together for my good.

Oh friends. Today is Wednesday. Today I am choosing to find joy. hope. peace.
Today I write from my heart. Sharing the lies that the enemy desperately wants me to believe, you to believe, and the lies that he will continue to speak to us. Today I am encouraged by sweet friends who love the Lord and speak truth into my life when I am not willing to pursue it.

My heart & prayer today is that you are encouraged to not believe the lie.
Instead pursue truth! Pursue the King. Pursue Jesus. He is real, alive, and he sets us free.

with love
~Brit