Monday, January 7, 2013

Words. With a Heavy Heart.

words come easy for me.
they always have.
naturally, they just seem to spill out.
except today. today they are nearly impossible to find.

although words may be difficult to write,
my heart wants to share what I have with you.
I've had people ask me in the past why I share so much of my personal life here.
I share in the hope that my journey can encourage someone else.
I share so freely, because I know who I am in Christ.
The beauty in knowing who we are is that we become vulnerable
to share our lives with others.

a week before Christmas we took a test.

our hearts were overjoyed.
we had been trying since July.

On Christmas we told our families.
They were overjoyed. We celebrated Christmas with extra excitement in our spirits.
Knowing that next year we would have another little one to love on.

I was 10 weeks along.
Johnny took special pictures of me to announce we were expecting.
Just waiting to announce it to everyone, until I told a few of my best friends.
And until I was twelve weeks.

Friday, after Christmas.
I started bleeding.
Saturday night I was checked into the hospital.
Sunday morning I came home on bed rest.
A few more trips to the doctor that week.
Things were just getting worse.

I knew it was happening
All I could think about was last March.
In March, I didn't know we were expecting a sweet baby.
Until I miscarried at 3 weeks.

On Wednesday night at 8 pm, January 2, 2013
I lost our baby.

Today I am making the choice to share our loss, so soon, because I know the pain.
I know the pain of losing a baby and feeling a hurt so deep. Secretly carry the loss of our baby around was devastating. Honestly, I was in denial. Trying to pretend like it never happened. Wearing a mask & writing here as if nothing had happened. It was only three months ago that I told my best friends and family about our first miscarriage. It was just three months ago that I felt myself whole enough to talk about it with them.

Today, I'm already allowing God to move.
The Holy Spirit is healing.
So today I am sharing our pain.
But I am also sharing our hope.

Our hope in Jesus Christ.
"For the Lord is good, his mercy is everlasting and his truth endureth to all generations." Psalm 100:5 KJB

I simply will never have the answers as to why God saw it best to create both of our sweet babies this last year. Only to take them back so soon from us.
But I do know that God is sovereign.
I know that he is Good. Faithful. True. Loving. Everlasting.

My heart is at peace knowing our babies are with Jesus.
Heaven is a better home than mine.
In him, my hope is found.

We ask for your prayers for our little family to have continual peace in our hearts, for healing, and for joy.


  1. Praying for peace and comfort for your family. I am truly so very sorry for your loss.

  2. My prayers are with you and your family. I am so very sorry for your loss.

    1. Thank you. Your prayers are appreciated.

  3. I am so sorry and I will keep you in my prayers!

    Sparkles and Shoes

  4. I am definitely praying for you and your sweet family. Praise God for your Faith and belief in HIS plan.

    1. I am so thankful for the hope in His plan, his timing. Thank you for your prayers.

  5. Tears of sorrow for your loss
    Prayers for healing and hope and peace
    Believing with you in God's sovereign plan and time.

    Love to you.

    1. Thank you Danette. Your prayers mean so much & are greatly valued.

  6. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Praying for you & your husband during this very difficult time x

  7. Praying for you guys. So very sorry for your loss and that you're going through this. Love you lots cousin.

    1. Thank you Krystal. I appreciate you & your prayers. Means so much.

  8. So, so sorry. Thanks for sharing your heart. Your words are so encouraging.

  9. I am so sorry for your loss, sweet friend. I have no other words but sorry, and the words to tell you how amazed I am by your strength. Thank you for sharing. I'll be praying for you and your little family. xo

    1. Thank you Carly. I'm so thankful for the Lord, for his strength. I just can not imagine going through hard times without God. Thank you for your prayers.

  10. Oh Brittany, I am so sorry to hear this! You will be in my thoughts and prayers!! Thank you for sharing.

  11. I am sorry for your loss sweet lady. My prayers are with you and your family.

  12. Oh Brittany! I have been reading your blog for awhile through Google Reader & trying to catch up when I can & I just saw this post. I am SO sorry. I went through 2 miscarriages after my daughter was born and it was such a scary, sad & questionable time. Continue to have faith and trust in the Lord as you are doing "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28) Just said a quick prayer for you today. I'm here if you ever need to chat! :-) ~Stacy

    1. Thank you so much. I'm so sorry for your losses. It is a feeling that is so unreal. Thank you for sharing this scripture, this is one that I just keep holding so close. Knowing that he is sovereign. He is in control and that somehow, someway everything is working together for my good. Thank you for your prayers. They truly mean so much.

  13. somehow i didn't see this post until now. i'll be praying for you, sweet friend. for peace despite the hurt and pangs of loss, and strength to embrace the memories of these sweet babies with joy. ♥

    1. Thank you. I'm looking forward to the moment when I feel joy, without sorrow, when I think about our sweet babies. Thanks for the encouraging words friend.


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