A Perfect Me. To Replace a Perfect You.

Jesus help me.

Help me to get it right more than I get it wrong .

Cultivate patience within me.

Help my overwhelmed soul sinking in this sea of sticky counters, cheese covered floors and my unrealistic desire to successfully balance motherhood, wife, ministry, and my dreams come to the surface of your shores.

Into the arms of your grace. mercy. love. 

Jesus I'm calling out from the deeper parts of me.

Asking you to help me get it right.  

Jesus help me.

Help me to get it right more often than I get it wrong.

My desire is to not to be the perfect woman; 

the unflustered mother, 

having it all together, 

maintaining an uninterrupted routine (one not even you could set astray), 

a mother who never raises her voice in frustration

a mom whose makeup doesn't sweat off before she enters the sanctuary doors 

the woman who never repeats her outfit from the week before

the mom who works out 5 x's a week & never drinks coke

a wife who meets her husbands every daily need

all while keeping a tidy home and a working mom from home.

Jesus help me.

Help me to get it right more than I get it wrong.

My soul longs to never be perfect.

God, then I wouldn’t need a perfect savior.

My heart longs to be patient in these waves of daily life.

To yearn for your Holy Spirit to find me day after day as I sweep my floors again & again.

I need this longing to always last within my soul to have your joy released in my home in moments of frustration. 

To speak truth over my body - the temple you have created for me to best serve you from.
Protect my thoughts from harmful words centered around my temple.
Keep my mouth shut never spilling out words of harm over it.
Guard my heart Lord.
Keep me God.

Jesus thank you.

Jesus thank you for helping me.

Helping me to get it right more than I get it wrong.

To notice when I get it wrong and to be encouraged to set my eyes on you. 

To pursue you when my thoughts gravitative towards a perfect me to replace a perfect you.

~Brittany 

Tiny Toes Dancing Down the Hall

When the toys in the tub don't stick to the bathtub walls

When baby dolls are no longer lining the hallway 

Race cars are stacked away neatly

Muddy shoes are clean 

Cheerios are not riddled throughout the house

My heart will ache. 

My eyes will well with tears

The lump in my throat will grow big

My mind will grasp for the memories 

My breath will be taken back. 

My children will be grown. 

I will wish, believing with every once of magic in me, that just maybe I could have the bathtub toys sticking again. And the crackers stuck on the bottoms of my bare feet once more. 
The early morning snuggles that start before the sun rises. 

Today my hugs tighter around my little ninja turtle for afternoon snuggles.

Tonight one more song to sing before we say our prayers. 

In the middle of the night my smile will stretch from ear to ear with each crumb stuck to my feet as I walk through the house to get a cup of milk after a bad dream.

Then 

In the morning tiny toes dancing down the hall will be the most wonderful melody to my ears. 

It's a beautiful way of living. 

To be a mom. 

~brittany 

My Journey to Motherhood

Being a mom was something I never thought too much about growing up. I was not a girl who knew one day she wanted to be a mom, let-alone a stay-at-home mom, that phrase honestly terrified me to my core. To be totally transparent, it made me sick to my stomach to think about sacrificing my dreams to raise children. The thought of raising children did not sound like something I would enjoy. I was the girl who didn't need a turn holding the baby in the room, no thanks. I'll pass, was usually my line when asked if I wanted to hold one. I babysat one time in high school for our neighbors for 3 hours. Never again.

Noah was a surprise. Johnny & I had only been married 3 months when I got pregnant. I was a senior in college and we were full time youth pastors. I had so many dreams of working in my field and pursuing things that I wanted to accomplish. To be honest, I cried so hard when we found out I was pregnant. I took 8 at home pregnancy test, EIGHT y'all! Just to be sure it was for real! We told our parents very soon after and three days later I went to the clinic to get things going. Then, a huge shock, the pregnancy test at the clinic came back NEGATIVE! I was so devastated. I remember calling my husband who was in California on a work trip just bawling so hard in complete despair. It was incredible how quickly God changed my heart from being devastated to learn of the pregnancy to then be in in such sorrow over a negative test.

Obviously, the test at the clinic was wrong (apparently that never happens) and Noah was born 9 months later. My pregnancy was typical, filled with nonstop sickness, cravings, and exhaustion. But I genuinely loved every minute of being pregnant. The moment Noah was born I was ready to do it all again. Seriously, who would have thought?

I was so in love with my son. I remember saying to Noah as they laid his tiny self on my chest, "You are even more wonderful that I imagined" and he was. He is. My heart grows every day with each hug, kiss, and smile he gives me. The precious words he says continually bless me in the most tender ways. Even on those hard days when being a mom is just hard, I love it. 

Watching Noah explore this world has been incredibly exciting. His raw feelings, emotions, and thoughts are refreshing on a day-to-day basis. Olivia's stoic expressions are so priceless. Her laugh is just as contagious as her brothers. Their little arms around my neck calm my soul. 

Looking back I realize how terrified of the unknown I was. Never understanding before children just how caught up in my dreams I was, instead of pursuing the dreams God had for me. I never knew how selfish of a person I was before becoming a mother. Our children have taught me to serve Christ and to serve others in ways I never thought possible. They've taught me to truly think outside of myself. Caring for them everyday is truly a joy and a privilege that I hold onto.My heart rejoices that I am the mother of two sweet babies here on earth and two sweet ones in heaven that we never got to meet. Thankful for the gift of motherhood. Praying there are more little ones in our future. I'm so thankful the Lord knew when to bless us with each of our babies. This journey of motherhood is the the walk of a lifetime.

~brittany

Quiet.Yet Chaotic.Somehow Encouraging.

flowers on the table that should be thrown out

toys under my feet - really, everywhere I look

Noah's uneaten pbj from this morning sitting next to me

a pile of dishes in the sink waiting to be washed

clean laundry asking to be folded

dinner that needs to be fixed

this all surrounds me while I sit at my kitchen table 

in my very quiet home. 

alone.

it feels so peaceful. 

quiet 

yet chaotic 

but somehow encouraging.

have you ever had one of those days that should probably make you feel overwhelmed?

knowing that you have an endless to-do list waiting for you the second you stand up?

but somehow there is so much peace that all the chaos and perhaps uncertainty that life 

desperately wants you to notice simply, does not stand out.

instead your time is spent in peace. 

reflecting on everything the Lord is doing within your life. 

today this is where I am. 

I'm loving the beautiful beaming sunlight through my back door 

verses the mess of the room.

thinking of the fun of raising a little boy

the smiles he had while displacing every toy car he owns.

thankful for a community of sweet friends who fill our life

taking us away from the chores of the day.

enjoying the fulfillment of living a lived life. 

instead of being a slave to my home. 

today I am resting in Him. 

finding peace. while enjoying the chaos. 

where are you today?

~Brit 

linking up with On Your Heart

Hitting Reset. Peace Over Chaos.

lets be honest.

some days are just rough. 

at least for me some days can be.

life can be a bit stressful at times with lots going on.

my 7 am wake up call is too early. 

the house is messy from the night before. 

there is no cereal or milk because I never went shopping.

Johnny left extra early to meet a friend for coffee.

Noah wakes up with an over-the-top stinky attitude.

mommy climbs out of bed with an unthankful heart. 

my feet hit the ground & everything is just off. 

bad. weird. not happy. 

more like crappy.

(just saying)

some days theres a whole lot of this going on & not much else.

somehow, its not even 8 am yet & I'm ready to crawl back into bed.

curled up to this guy.

:)

these are the days that I'm thankful for my quiet time the day before.

I'm grateful that the Holy Spirit gently reminds me that I'm the mommy he created for Noah.

The Lord reminds me that many times I disobey, disappoint, and forget who is in charge.

That he is the one who time-after-time shows me unending grace that I don't deserve.

on these days, the Lord suggest I hit the reset button on our day. 

yesterday was one of those days.

by 8 am things were just going bad & were heading for horrible fast.

instead of disciplining an already very upset little boy I set him on the counter,

gave him hugs, and calmly asked him why he was so sad and upset. 

in the midst of Noah crying I asked the Lord to bring peace into our morning.

as the mommy, I make the choice to reset our bad days.

to change the mood. to make things a little happier.

with cartoons off.

we had a fun breakfast picnic.

just the two of us. with all our favorites.

peanut butter toast with sprinkles for him

 an english muffin with cream cheese for me.

with lots of fruit to go around.

he made silly faces while we ate

& I told him a story or two upon his request.

the rest of the day might not have gone perfect. 

there were still ups & downs yesterday. 

regardless, my heart was in the right place. allowing his attitude to be better.

once I made the choice to reset our day - to set the mood - my ability to

make it through the day with a gracious attitude for the both of us was a success.

that doesn't mean the day was easy or all was sunshine & butterflies.

if you follow me on IG you saw this picture around 4 pm.

Noah & I returned from an exhausting exciting day out.

we met Johnny & some of the other church staff for lunch around 12.

before leaving the restaurant I took Noah to the potty. 

Midstream he drops the nascar into the nasty potty. 

after retrieving the car we left it in the bathroom trashcan.

causing a massive meltdown. understandably so. 

on the way out he spots a vending machine with a soccer ball. 

he wants. I refuse. big tantrum. 

we head to Target for groceries & Noah is very good. 

then I make the poor choice to run into Michaels for one item I needed for a project.

5 minutes later I'm back behind the wheel sweaty & about to pass out.

exhaustion & embarrassment are at fault.

I had the pleasant experience of becoming the mom that everyone in the store is 

shaking their head at. My child is refusing to stay in the buggy & is crying loudly about it.

There is only one lady checking people out & about 4 buggies ahead of me. 

Everyone must endure my child having a meltdown.

home. unloaded groceries. made Noah a snack. cleaned up a bit. then I climb into bed.

for some much needed alone time. 5 minutes later, my sweet little guy climbs in next to me.

all smiles, hugs, kisses, and ready to color next to me.

yesterday was one of those days that challenged me.

to act in peace, joy, and patience instead of

chaos, anger, and losing it. 

it wasn't easy. it never is. I'm just thankful that I never do it alone. 

The Holy Spirit always makes himself available.

Some days I allow him in & others I don't.

thankful for grace.

~Brit

Linking up with Wild and Precious & Pencilled Daydream 

Change in Perspective

Life experiences have an incredible way of influencing our perspectives. At least for me, they do. After miscarrying twice my view on being a mommy has changed so much. In particular the last miscarriage has influenced the type of parent I am becoming. The few weeks after we lost our baby in January I would go into Noahs room in the middle of the night & carry him back to our bed. I just missed him. Needed him close to me. My heart was broken and Noah was such a comfort to me. Johnny understood.

 Johnny & I had this rule that we will not let our children make it a habit of sleeping in our bed with us at night. The reason is because we value our marriage and want to be sure that we have alone time together. Not just to be intimate (obviously thats part of it) but just to talk, hang out, & snuggle. On most nights after Noah goes to bed at 8 we hang out in our room together. If Noah slept with us for the last 3 years there would be countless hours I would have lost with my husband simply getting to know him. 

Over the last few months Noah has been crawling into our bed a few nights a week. Sometimes we don't know he is there until Johnnys alarm goes off around 6 am. We wake up to find him snuggled between us. Sometimes he wakes up upset in the middle of the night and as of lately I just want him to come sleep in our bed. Last year, this would not have been my reaction to him waking up at 3 am. Instead of letting him climb into our bed I would have explained to him that he must sleep in his room - and that would be the end of it. Our new rule seems to be he needs to sleep until 3 in his bed & then if he makes his way to ours, its okay.

Noah was six months old when we moved away from our family & closest friends to a take a new position in ministry. Although I was excited, I had a difficult time at first because my heart was sad leaving. As a result this life experience changed the type of mother I thought I would be. Instead of forcing him to take naps in his crib during the day, I let him sleep while I held him. Some family & friends thought I was crazy and didn't agree with my choice but I realized that time with him would never come around again. Moving allowed me realize that. So I took every moment possible to just spend enjoying him. 

Life experiences have greatly shifted the way we parent & live life. I don't think everything through on a weekly basis in regards to our activities or what we do (like I thought I would as a mom). I don't like that pressure or stress. Its rare that I make a list of things to do for the week - because I don't want that to define our week in such a way. I don't make Noah sit to eat first before we play at a park or kids center. I just let him go & play, eat later. I don't enforce time out over every little thing - because sometimes it just isn't necessary. I let him run around the church like crazy (after service) because honestly, its not bothering anyone. Often, I don't make him pick up the toys in his room before bedtime, because I just dont think about it. Not a priority. I let him get covered in mud, dirt, & wash off with a bit of water before having a picnic. 

I love the little boy that he is. I love how adventurous he is, his humor is impressive, his creativity blows me away, I love that he snuggles all the time with us, and his sweet spirit melts my heart. Life experiences continually shape the type of mother I hope to become into something slightly different than this momma originally believed she would be. I like it.

~Brit

Linking up with Wild and Precious 

The Cravings

Oh Pregnancy. 

The truth is I truly enjoy being pregnant, even though I'm the type whose hormones are very affected. Immediately I experience lots of nausea, throwing up, fatigue, and I crave random things! All that jazz. But I LOVE it. Even with all the sickness I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm just so happy that I have another chance to be pregnant again. 

With this pregnancy I've been craving a few things that are out of the normal for me. Things that I ate sometimes but not like I have been. The two most unusual things for me have been bacon & tuna fish. Really I've been wanting fish in general. Unfortunately tuna & fish are one of the things that have to be eaten in moderation while pregnant. Bummer. 

So, mommas when you are pregnant what do you find yourself craving? 

Happy Thursday!

~Brit 

To be Still

life just needs to be still some days.

for us, there are some days that are perfectly still. 

my little & I snuggled up to a cartoon on the couch together. 

lining up every toy in the room all together in one spot.

enjoying blueberries from a tea cup & leaving them for later to wash.

siting quietly painting on the back deck. 

laying on the living room floor telling silly stories.

some of our best days are spent still. 

not too much fuss. little adventure. just us.

the stillness is very refreshing. 

~Brit

Linking up with Life Lately & Desire to Inspire

Bad Attitudes are Joy Killers.

First a video to prep you before you read this post. ha. this is my child. yes, he's sticking berries from outside into his belly button. He just started doing it once I hit record. oh my.

Wednesday & Thursday last week were pretty rough for this momma. Noah got into some poison ivy/oak & it made him very agitated in regards to his temperament. My usually over the top sweet, snuggly, care free little Noah was a bit of a challenge - to say the least - for his mom. I'll spare you with the three year old antics but I'll just say it was a bit much by Thursday afternoon. Around 3 pm I found myself sitting alone in my room counting the minutes until Johnny would walk through the door from work. To rescue me. On the verge of tears. I never do that. Well unless sickness has taken over.

Sitting there, I just felt sad. 

Sad that my patience wasn't more abundant.

Sad that my three year olds change in attitude had the ability to determine my own.

Sad that as a momma I wasn't able to muster up enough grace to give to myself & to my son.

Sad that instead of enjoying the last two days I'd spent them in - nearly - constant discipline mode. 

Discipline mode is such a joy killer. So are bad attitudes. His & Mine.

Although, those two days were totally frustrating & made me feel like my sanity was in question (not really) I still wouldn't change anything. I wouldn't change the fact that Noah clogged up the toilet with an entire roll of TP. Smushed blueberries into the carpet. Purposefully dropped peaches all over the kitchen floor. Pooped in his pants 3 times (when he knows not to). Threw a fit in McAllisters over mac n cheese. And landed in time out way too many times to count. Or refused to play in the sprinkler after his preggo momma drug the very heavy thing out there. (its not your average sprinkler)

I wouldn't change it because I know in 15 years my heart is going to ache like never before when I watch him graduate high school. Start college or pursue his dreams that might lead him away from me. I am going to wish so badly that a time machine could swiftly take me back to this week that was a bit funky & bad. Instead my heart will break while rejoicing at the wonderful young man I know he will have become. I'm thankful that despite the few times he made a trip to time out - that maybe I could have let slide - that he shows me grace & loves me ten minutes later like nothing happened. My biggest adventure has been becoming his momma & figuring this journey out on my own. 

This post was a bit random. Just to let you know that not all is sunshiny weather in the land of motherhood for this lady. Some days are rough. Some days I never sit down, get a break, or feel like I can breath without my little one needing me. And apparently now somedays I sit in my room all gloomy waiting to be off momma duty. Just keeping it real. 

Someday will come too soon when I will desperately want these somedays back.

Just saying.

~Brit

A Baby Girl

On Wednesday we learned our little one is a baby girl. 

A sweet, beautiful, perfectly healthy & growing baby girl.

Our hearts are truly overjoyed. 

We are blessed.

~Brit 

Fun in the Sun

This weekend was spent primarily outside enjoying the sun. My hubby was in charge of a Golf Tournament on Saturday benefiting Mission of Hope in Haiti. So while he was out on the course Noah & I spent the day together. Although humidity is the heats best friend, somehow we managed to enjoy being outside for three hours. Like most little ones, Noah loves the water. So he enjoyed playing in the sprinkler & eating some popsicles. While he did that I dreamed and planned some for the next few months. Also worked on a project for Noahs room. 

Noah telling me, "Mommy you see that birdie over there, no take pictures of me take pictures of the birdie, ok?" Oh my word this kid cracks me up. Love the things he says.

Love this man of mine. Its been a very busy month for him & we've missed spending quality time together. Any chance we get I just want to be next to him. So Noah and I went out to the benefit at the end to enjoy dinner & to see who won prizes. The fun stuff. (I couldn't have handled a 3 year old for 10 hours out there.) 

Naturally, like his daddy, Noah loves any sport & enjoyed playing a little golf.

This little boy of mine truly brings me so much joy. I'm so very thankful for all the quality time we have together. Just being honest, some days are longer than others but even then - I still enjoy him so much. Feeling blessed this weekend. Thankful that the golf tournament was a success & proud of my my handsome man.

Happy Sunday.

~Brit

The Ugly that Use to Live in My Heart, but Not in My Kitchen

Um, what if the dishes stay dirty & the laundry stays piled in a basket on the floor for just one more day? What does that say about this wife, this momma? 

I'll answer that in a bit, first I'll share my Monday with you. 

So these pretty blue kitchen counters of mine love to collect stuff. Stuff like the depressing mail, half eaten bananas, sunglasses, paint brushes, and toys. And that sink over there, it tends to be full of pretty white dishes, cute little tea cups, and empty mason jars with soggy paper straws. 

The laundry's favorite spot in the house is cozied up by the foot of our bed in baskets. As much as I ask it to find its way into our closet & drawers it refuses to deny me this request. So each week I close my eyes as I walk past it, until two or three days pass & I give in to put it away. For the past 1.5 weeks I let the laundry disappear totally from my mind.

Heres the truth. I'm a proud stay-at-home mommy to this little guy. Sometimes I would rather take him on a play date with other mommas & their kids than stay at home to clean. Inviting a friend over for coffee on the back porch sounds more appealing to me than putting my laundry up, so I'll let it hide in our room for another day. Snuggling on the couch with a very sweet little three year old while he talks to this baby bump of mine is way more precious to me than washing dishes after lunch. 

So what does it say about this wife & momma who some weeks lets the laundry pile 3 feet high & lets the pretty dishes stay unwashed for a whole day or two? 

For me it says I've learned where my value rest. It says I know where to invest my time. It says I've made a small victory in this life as a momma & wife. 

To me, it means that I've learned how to give myself grace in the little things to enjoy the better things in life. Two years ago if these house chores were not done this wife & momma might have refused to invite a friend over because her sink had dishes from last night still in it. I may not have stopped to call a friend who I knew needed some prayer or encouragement. Or I might have stayed home from a play date to get the laundry put up before small group at our house later that night. 

Thats the ugly truth. 

The truth of who I use to be. 

The momma I use to be. 

The wife I use to be. 

The believer I use to be. 

Yuck. Thank the Lord I've invited & allowed him to teach me the value of relationships, friendships, and place more importance making memories with my Noah than keeping my house looking perfect. And praise the Lord for a husband who sees the importance of this grace in his wife's life. 

Just keeping it real. Happy Tuesday!

~Brit

Linking up with a sweet lady for Pint Sized Moment.