Tiny Toes Dancing Down the Hall

When the toys in the tub don't stick to the bathtub walls

When baby dolls are no longer lining the hallway 

Race cars are stacked away neatly

Muddy shoes are clean 

Cheerios are not riddled throughout the house

My heart will ache. 

My eyes will well with tears

The lump in my throat will grow big

My mind will grasp for the memories 

My breath will be taken back. 

My children will be grown. 

I will wish, believing with every once of magic in me, that just maybe I could have the bathtub toys sticking again. And the crackers stuck on the bottoms of my bare feet once more. 
The early morning snuggles that start before the sun rises. 

Today my hugs tighter around my little ninja turtle for afternoon snuggles.

Tonight one more song to sing before we say our prayers. 

In the middle of the night my smile will stretch from ear to ear with each crumb stuck to my feet as I walk through the house to get a cup of milk after a bad dream.

Then 

In the morning tiny toes dancing down the hall will be the most wonderful melody to my ears. 

It's a beautiful way of living. 

To be a mom. 

~brittany 

Freedom to Fall in Love.

Falling in love with my babies has been something that has happened so intensely the last eight months. I have always loved them. However, I've fallen deep in love with enjoying both of them everyday. We have been building tents all throughout the house the last two weeks. Laying there together, snuggling, telling stories, eating snacks, and making memories.

I had someone recently ask me, "How do you always seem to enjoy your kids so much all the time? I always feels so overwhelmed...tired..." I want to share how I got to this place I've been for a few years now. Even more so the last 8 months. It hasn't always been this way for me, being deeply in love with my babies & our everyday life together. I don't have it figured out & am confident I never ever will. 

But through freedom in Him I've fallen deeply in love with my everyday life with my littles. 

Let me explain a bit....

Noah is my sweet little buddy who has always been such a gift to me in my everyday life. Initially Noah was a very unexpected little surprise in our lives but over the years I have realized what a true gift in the perfect timing his precious life has been. He has been so much comfort, joy, and a constant reminder of faithfulness to us in our lives. I've always enjoyed him. However, until he was about 1.5 years old I often struggled with my attitude as a stay at home momma. I felt exhausted, tired, lonely, and sometimes depressed. This prevented me from truly falling totally in love with Noah & our everyday life together. I would often find myself down during the week. Wishing to be working in a career, frustrated with trying to be a wife, mother, & the "stay at home mom" that I thought I had to be. Honestly, I felt trapped. Trapped in a box that I built around myself. 

Pinterest was becoming a thing & it was ugly. 

Pretty on the outside but ugly on the inside.

All these mommas, women, & wives showing me how picture perfect their homes were, how clean their kids were, all the ways their children were the smartest, their weekly menus overwhelmed me, and how their everyday outfits were always so clean. For real? Who lives like this? I didn't. 

Slowly the enemy convinced me to be enough that I needed to adapt. Quickly. 

I fell into the trap of believing that as a stay at home mom that I had to cook, clean, keep a schedule for every part of my life, and act a certain way. All of this fueled my emotions and prevented me from truly falling in love with my baby in a deeper way. Obviously I was in love with him. If I looked at him when he smiled I would cry. I often still do. His sweet snuggles just made my heart burst. But I wasn't in love with our everyday life together as mom and child. God often convicted me about my lack of patience not just with Noah but in general. If my meal flopped, if others frustrated me, or if things didn't go the way I hoped. I got frustrated. Annoyed. Impatient.

I was trying to be something God never intended me to be. I was trying to live up to a dream that was never mine. Definitely not God's dream for my life. Who he called me to be - as his. 

 The Lord set me free of that whole mind set. It wasn't easy and it took work but when he did I never felt so joyous. Since then letting my kids wear pjs all day is totally acceptable, cooking twice a week is a miracle, having an empty laundry baskets every week is rare, having paint under my nails when I show up to church from enjoying my day is something I never think about anymore, or letting my Noah wear his daddy's long green socks that come all the way up to his bum to church is a priceless memory made or if he wants to carry around an orange under his arm all day for a week - its all good. Who cares what anyone else thinks about it. These and a list so long of things that have become real life everyday unbelievable memories hold more importance than being that woman I thought I had to be 3 years ago. 

There is freedom that my home doesn't always have to be perfect when friends come over. Expected or unexpected company show up, it doesn't phase me. I'm actually genuinely happy about having guest. Three years ago if someone rang the door bell unexpected all kinds of ugly would have crept up into my heart like, 

"why are they here, they didn't call, ugh who is it"

Gross. Ugly. I know. 

Looking back on the last 3 years my heart breaks at the thought of all the things I would have missed out on with my babies, friends, and in my life if I hadn't found freedom in Jesus. Found freedom from something I didn't even realize (at first) I needed freedom from.

I have fallen in love with my littles and our everyday life together by grace & freedom in Jesus Christ. Today I'm sharing this because I've been asked how I seem to enjoy my kids so much all the time. This is how. It is not perfect every day of the week, don't think that. I have my moments too, but honestly those moments are so fleeting since I've found freedom. 

Maybe you can see yourself in the me three years ago. Maybe there are parts of you in that old me. The reason I'm sharing this isn't to pretend I have everything figured out, because thats not truth. However, I am sharing this because I know that other women struggle with feeling overwhelmed, so tired, and even depressed as mommas because maybe we are trying to live our lives the way God never called us to. For you, maybe it is something completely different that you are trying to live up to. You may truly find enjoyment in having empty laundry baskets, clean nails, and schedules. (Some of my best friends truly do love it.) I just know that the enemy loves to speak lies over our lives in any area he can. Whatever & wherever that area is for you just know you are not alone. You never will be.

Know that there is hope & freedom in Jesus. Seek his freedom in all areas of life. It may not be easy, it may take some work, and the enemy will fight you over it a lot but it is possible to live in freedom. 

~brit

Life Lately.

Enjoying my days with these people.

Texas has been beautiful lately so we are living outside. 

One thing I've been consciously aware of is the amount of time I'm on my phone or computer. Lately I've been trying to take more pictures with my camera verses my phone. If I take pictures with my phone I get distracted with social media. I make an effort to leave my phone in my room, picking up my camera during the day and leaving my phone on the counter. Whats the weather like where you are & how was your week?

~brit

One. Two.

Then there were two. 

Honestly, most days it still feels very surreal that we have two.

Almost unbelievable that I get to be the momma of two little ones.

I am blessed to care for them everyday of my life. 

to pour into their little beings. 

to protect them. speak truth to them. 

guide their hearts & minds. 

pray over each one.

snuggle up to, laugh with, and enjoy. 

the truth, 

they challenge me beyond what I ever thought to be capable of. 

(my 3 year old in particular) 

they push me to be kinder, more gentle, and to understand loving unconditionally.

especially when the circles under my eyes are very dark, my hair hasn't been washed in nearly a week, and I would do just about anything for a solid 5 minutes alone with my thoughts.

we have a new normal now. bath time looks just a little different these days. Olivia is keen on being held so bath time sometimes includes lots of crying while we wash up. Poor girl is a very colicky baby so mommy usually straps on a sling to tote Olivia around for 3-4 hours a night. Anything to help soothe my princess. Noah is at a place that he just misses daddy a whole lot. The picture above is from him screaming because he wanted to go with Johnny some place. As a mom the opportunity to be kind to him when I'm exhausted arises nearly every day. I'm so thankful the Lord pours into me grace and kindness on a regular basis because without that life with littles would be very hard.

 I've been getting these types of questions often, 

"how is it with two?"or "Its a whole different ball game with two huh?"

yes it is. honestly, its not always easy or pretty. but it really, really is wonderful.

Truly these little people bring me much joy & encouragement.

Already, they bring true happiness to my heart when the enemy tries desperately to steal my joy.

These two put smiles on my face when life is a bit uncertain. 

the last two months have been the most challenging of my life. 

there have been times when I literally felt as if I were fighting for my life. 

the enemy trying to steal our happiness by attacking my health.

but the promises of the Lord are proven to me in my babies. 

The Lord is so faithful. each one of my children are specific reminders of who God is to me.

Noah is healing. 

One in heaven is peace. 

Another in heaven is grace. 

Olivia is my faith baby.

I'm so thankful for each of their lives.

In the moments that I'm feeling really tired, or theres potential to feel overwhelmed I simply remember how blessed I am by them. I've prayed so hard for their lives, health, and they are such a joy! I really just want to kiss their sweet baby cheeks, and snuggle up with them all the time. I really am enjoying being a momma of two. 

Happy Monday.

~brit

A Dimple: Our Reminder of Healing

Forever I just want to keep him so close to my heart.

My little Noah turned 3 on May 12. Noah came into our lives as a very big surprise. Johnny & I were only married 3 months when we learned I was two weeks pregnant. Life was a bit crazy at that time as we were in full time ministry (youth & college), I was a full time student, and we lived in an apartment on the church property. Perhaps Noah was not a part of our life plan at that time, but the Lord knew exactly what he was doing when he gave us our son.

When I was 5 months pregnant we learned Noah had kidney problems. The rest of my pregnancy I saw a specialist often & had ultrasounds every month. (The fun ones that our 4D) The doctors worked with us on a plan of action for Noah to have immediate surgery & on going care because one of his kidneys was very large for his tiny self.  Noah came three weeks early and he was born just over 6 lbs. after 22 hours of labor & his mommy having some intense complications. The Lord was faithful to us through it all. Immediately after he arrived the specialist completed an ultrasound & a few other test on him to prepare for surgery. However, the Lord had already healed him. His little kidneys were perfect & he has never had a problem. The only reminder we have of his kidney problems is the tiny dimple on his right ear. The specialist explained that the reason for the dimple is because the kidneys & the ears develop at the same time. Often when there are problems with the kidneys in the womb there is a small dimple in the ear that forms. For us it is the perfect reminder of the Lords faithfulness in healing our little Noah. 

This baby. He has always been silly & making us laugh.

He has never been afraid to show us how he truly feels.

& napping anywhere has never been a problem for him.

There has not been a single day to pass that our little Noah has not brought us true joy & laughter. I have been looking over the hundreds, thousands of pictures I've taken of him over the last three years & my heart is so full as I thank God for giving him to us. Thankful for his healing. We were not sure of the timing when we found out we were expecting, but God knew exactly what he was doing. Excited for this new year with our little man! Happy he will be a big brother soon.

Happy Thursday!

~Brit

Linking up with Lovely Little Whimsy for Thankful Thursdays.