Friday, June 26, 2015


Tonight I almost feel breathless 
Like each breath is a little harder to take in

My lungs slower to take in the air 
My chest working harder to push it back out 
Consciously reminding myself to keep breathing 

Because I feel out of breath 

My heart aches tonight 
Literally my soul is heavy 

The enemy attacking loved ones
Sickness tearing apart vibrant lives 
lies overpowering minds to pull people deep down into the pit of depression 
addictions over taking precious lives, minds, and hearts. 
Fear crippling perfectly healthy bodies
Worry stripping away promises of the gospel 
Judgement decaying the body of Christ
Unforgiveness festering in hearts leading to destruction 
Women tearing apart women with their eyes, thoughts, and critical attitudes 
Men refusing their roles 
Youth learning to disrespect  
A society feeding off of anger
Communities hating others. Ignoring problems. Developing new ones. 

Me forgetting to pray. 
I feel breathless. 

My heart aches 
My soul is overwhelmed 

A righteous anger must overtake our hearts cries to fight with powerful truths from a savior who defeats all. 

God replace my breathlessness with your truths to fight in a place that exhausts. 
A righteous anger in my battle cry. 
One that never gives me opportunity to forgo praying to sit still in exhaustion. 

A righteous anger to change things, motivate my movements, be an aid in restoring situations by you, breath life into the broken by your grace, and speak your truths above all. 

Give us our breath. 
Let us stand righteously in you. 

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Summer in Texas

Summer has been the sweetest ever! Although we are suppose to be getting buckets of water dumped on us, I am not going to let it put a damper on the fun we are having!
These two have been the sweetest little things. Lots of kisses, hugs, playing good together and eating popsicles. (I'll leave out the clobbering each other & fighting that is inevitable in brother/sister relationships on a weekly basis.) 
 Olivia did hate the pool with a deep fear & passion up until a few days ago. 
A good week of me taking her into the pool slightly against her will has turned her into a little daredevil swimmer. 
Lots of jumping in without warning and trying to swim off on her own.
Swim lessons are around the corner. 
It has been a sweet summer so far & we are just getting started. Crawfish, Mexican street corn, pool parties, dinner parties & more. Oh and the best part of summer are lots of late night dates with this guy swimming. 
How is your summer going? 

Monday, June 15, 2015

A Perfect Me. To Replace a Perfect You.

Jesus help me.
Help me to get it right more than I get it wrong .

Cultivate patience within me.
Help my overwhelmed soul sinking in this sea of sticky counters, cheese covered floors and my unrealistic desire to successfully balance motherhood, wife, ministry, and my dreams come to the surface of your shores.
Into the arms of your grace. mercy. love. 

Jesus I'm calling out from the deeper parts of me.
Asking you to help me get it right.  

Jesus help me.
Help me to get it right more often than I get it wrong.

My desire is to not to be the perfect woman; 
the unflustered mother, 
having it all together, 
maintaining an uninterrupted routine (one not even you could set astray), 
a mother who never raises her voice in frustration
a mom whose makeup doesn't sweat off before she enters the sanctuary doors 
the woman who never repeats her outfit from the week before
the mom who works out 5 x's a week & never drinks coke
a wife who meets her husbands every daily need
all while keeping a tidy home and a working mom from home.

Jesus help me.
Help me to get it right more than I get it wrong.

My soul longs to never be perfect.
God, then I wouldn’t need a perfect savior.

My heart longs to be patient in these waves of daily life.
To yearn for your Holy Spirit to find me day after day as I sweep my floors again & again.
I need this longing to always last within my soul to have your joy released in my home in moments of frustration. 
To speak truth over my body - the temple you have created for me to best serve you from.
Protect my thoughts from harmful words centered around my temple.
Keep my mouth shut never spilling out words of harm over it.
Guard my heart Lord.
Keep me God.

Jesus thank you.
Jesus thank you for helping me.
Helping me to get it right more than I get it wrong.

To notice when I get it wrong and to be encouraged to set my eyes on you. 
To pursue you when my thoughts gravitative towards a perfect me to replace a perfect you.


Thursday, June 11, 2015

Everyday. Fill Me Up.

Lord fill me up every day. Your mercies are new every day and you are faithful!
Lamentations 3:22-24

Lately my friends & I have been talking about how lost we would be without God. How low we would feel in life without the constant presence of the Holy Spirit.

Honestly, I would most likely not be alive today without the Holy Spirit carrying me through the darkest places of life. If I didn't know God in a deep everyday kind of way and have the Holy Spirit in my life I would be in a constant state of worry, anxiety, and frustration. Probably anger would weave its way in there too.

But God.

Because I have a relationship with Jesus I have never been that woman. The woman the enemy wants me to be. At pivotal points in our lives we make the choice to decide to follow Jesus or to stay in the places we are in. Even if we already have accepted Jesus as our savior there will still be moments of great hardship, trials, temptations, fears, doubt, lies, anxieties... that we have the choice to allow those to take over our thoughts & life or we make the choice to allow the Lord to take over.

Everyday is a choice.
Everyday is not easy but the more we allow God to fill us up everyday & the more we say yes to his ways the more natural it becomes. The less we think about it & closer we get to Him. He becomes are everything and everything else in life becomes the afterthought.

Friday, June 5, 2015


When I think of you I think of butterflies 

While pregnant with Olivia before we knew we were having a girl all I could think of were butterflies. 

Beautiful, soft, unique, graceful, light, full of life - butterflies. 

I started making things with butterflies.
Gravitating towards art with butterflies.
I bought a small journal with butterflies on the cover. (The journal is hers, full of precious memories of her life so far.) 

I knew our sweet baby was a girl. 
Once the ultra sound confirmed it my my heart smiled a little bigger. 

Unsure of why butterflies were what I saw when I thought of our baby I took some time to think about it. Pray. 

I handmade her mobile, complete with roses and butterflies. Her room like a garden with flowers everywhere. 

A desire to know about plants, gardening, and beautiful living things became a love of mine. 
Understanding the lows my heart had been in - the doubt of never having another baby, the uncertainty of my pregnancy - the Lord began encouraging  me with butterflies. 

Glimpses of hope in beautiful glances. 
Noah and I seeing them daily in the yard. 

My heart reassured that our baby would be beautiful, full of life, graceful, and a constant reminder of faithfulness in the broken parts of life. 

Sweet girl, when I think of you i think of butterflies. 
With love,
Your mommy 

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Tiny Toes Dancing Down the Hall

When the toys in the tub don't stick to the bathtub walls
When baby dolls are no longer lining the hallway 
Race cars are stacked away neatly
Muddy shoes are clean 
Cheerios are not riddled throughout the house

My heart will ache. 
My eyes will well with tears
The lump in my throat will grow big
My mind will grasp for the memories 
My breath will be taken back. 

My children will be grown. 
I will wish, believing with every once of magic in me, that just maybe I could have the bathtub toys sticking again. And the crackers stuck on the bottoms of my bare feet once more. 
The early morning snuggles that start before the sun rises. 
Today my hugs tighter around my little ninja turtle for afternoon snuggles.
Tonight one more song to sing before we say our prayers. 
In the middle of the night my smile will stretch from ear to ear with each crumb stuck to my feet as I walk through the house to get a cup of milk after a bad dream.
In the morning tiny toes dancing down the hall will be the most wonderful melody to my ears. 

It's a beautiful way of living. 
To be a mom. 
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