A Perfect Me. To Replace a Perfect You.

Jesus help me.

Help me to get it right more than I get it wrong .

Cultivate patience within me.

Help my overwhelmed soul sinking in this sea of sticky counters, cheese covered floors and my unrealistic desire to successfully balance motherhood, wife, ministry, and my dreams come to the surface of your shores.

Into the arms of your grace. mercy. love. 

Jesus I'm calling out from the deeper parts of me.

Asking you to help me get it right.  

Jesus help me.

Help me to get it right more often than I get it wrong.

My desire is to not to be the perfect woman; 

the unflustered mother, 

having it all together, 

maintaining an uninterrupted routine (one not even you could set astray), 

a mother who never raises her voice in frustration

a mom whose makeup doesn't sweat off before she enters the sanctuary doors 

the woman who never repeats her outfit from the week before

the mom who works out 5 x's a week & never drinks coke

a wife who meets her husbands every daily need

all while keeping a tidy home and a working mom from home.

Jesus help me.

Help me to get it right more than I get it wrong.

My soul longs to never be perfect.

God, then I wouldn’t need a perfect savior.

My heart longs to be patient in these waves of daily life.

To yearn for your Holy Spirit to find me day after day as I sweep my floors again & again.

I need this longing to always last within my soul to have your joy released in my home in moments of frustration. 

To speak truth over my body - the temple you have created for me to best serve you from.
Protect my thoughts from harmful words centered around my temple.
Keep my mouth shut never spilling out words of harm over it.
Guard my heart Lord.
Keep me God.

Jesus thank you.

Jesus thank you for helping me.

Helping me to get it right more than I get it wrong.

To notice when I get it wrong and to be encouraged to set my eyes on you. 

To pursue you when my thoughts gravitative towards a perfect me to replace a perfect you.

~Brittany 

Abide. How wrong I was...

image via Happy Heart Box

Every other Sunday evening a group of sweet women and myself gather around a table at Panera Bread to discuss Abiding. I’m honored to lead a Thrive small group and this season we chose to work through a journal called, Abide, by NaptimeDiaries. Its an eight week study that is all about resting in the Lord as women while we realize that we in fact don’t know everything that we thought we did about trusting, resting, and growing in the Lord.

This is what I love about the gospel. We can never reach a plateau. There is not a level of “knowing it all” or “having it all together” in Him that we can attain because our God is just too big for us, full of so much grace, and offering a never ending fountain of knowledge to us. We just have to search his truths, wisdom, and all the grace we can receive while we pursue him.

Easier sad than done.

As we began reading through Abide a few months ago together (it has taken us a little longer than 8 weeks) I quickly realized how little abiding I was actually doing in my life. Once again I thought I was abiding because I’ve somehow figured out how to - on most days - have alone time with Jesus. Even if alone time means I've been asked 20 times to put on Curious George or I change a diaper and pick up a pretty little girls pacifier 15 times. Its time in the word and I’m so very desperate for his gospel that I will take it however it comes to me.

Little did I truly understand that abiding wasn’t worshiping to music during my day at home, or squeezing in his word when I could, and it even wasn’t trusting him with my thoughts, hurts, worries, and concerns. This wasn’t abiding at all. This was spending time with my savior and worshiping the one I am blessed to know.

Abide, the journal, has opened my heart to understand that truly abiding in the Lord is making new rhythms in my life of pursuing Jesus on a daily basis. Rhythms that have come from a true desire to find my rest not in sleep but to truly rest in him. To spend time alone with my thoughts, prayers, and love for our King without anything or anyone threatening that time. For me, I’ve truly fallen in love with a time of day that use to be so ungodly to me. A time of day that I rarely have seen in my life unless I was catching an early flight, holding a sick baby, or too worried about something that I couldn’t sleep.

I’ve fallen in love with a quiet, still, absolutely breathtakingly beautiful 5 or 6 am. I know, you think I’ve lost it, maybe you think I’m “one of those Christians” or perhaps you don’t believe me. But I’m so serious.

It’s so wonderful. I just want every single woman (momma or not) to do this. At least a few times. When I use to hear women say they woke up before everyone else I literally would think they must be those super hero Christians or totally crazy or totally exaggerating because there is no way anyone would do that on purpose. Jeopardize their glorious uninterrupted sleep. Especially if she had kids because God knows where you are in life & totally gets that you are cleaning up poop and exhausted that you don’t need to wake up early for him. He gets it.

Yep. Ive given that advise before. Which in many ways I 100% believe. God gets that my bible time, worship time, and prayer time is stretched out over 24 hours, crammed in between PBJs and the evening news but shouldn’t I want more? Maybe I need more…

Turns out I do.

Now, I’m her. Not a superhero Christian, crazy, or exaggerating… instead I’m just truly needing to abide in him before I do anything else in my day. It makes knowing him, resting in him, and sustaining me so much easier. Joyous. Happier. And even when my days are so full that I can barely remember if I’ve brushed my teeth (it happens, don’t judge) it doesn’t seem like it is at all. The days seem so full, so wonderful, so amazing, and full of grace.

Rest.

What does abiding mean to you?

What does it look like for you?

In love,

Brit

Taking Stock

One of my favorite ladies in the blogging world shared this here the other day. She got the idea here. Thought I would give it a try. I think it reveals what life is like for me maybe in ways I didn't even know. 

Making : more lasting memories with my family.
Cooking : way too much thai.
Drinking : non fat no whip caramel iced lattes ... yum!
Reading: hosting the presence. bill johnson.
Wanting: a few days at home alone with my husband.
Looking: at beautiful yellow roses, carnations, and tulips.
Playing: the new bethel cd... listening to it.
Wasting: nothing.
Sewing: Owl softies. if you would like to purchase one let me know soon.
Wishing: deeper understandings.
Enjoying: all the sweet & silly things my Noah says.
Waiting: for Friday to get here. Y'all I'm getting a date night with my man! Praise JESUS!
Liking: capturing moments with my camera of my family.
Wondering: what time my children will wake me in the morning...
Loving: my husband.
Hoping: for creativity to capture the hearts of women.
Marveling: at Gods faithfulness.
Needing: girl time with my best friends. Ministry has left my best friends scattered across the country.
Smelling: the beautiful aroma of this wonderful bouquet of fresh flowers right next to me.
Wearing: pajamas.
Following: life.
Noticing: how cruel some women can be to others. it is painful to watch. feel.
Knowing: that those women do not know who they are in christ. that is painful to watch as well.
Thinking: There are so many things I want to talk to the Lord about.
Feeling: Overcome with emotion lately. Grateful for this life. The beautify among the pain it brings.
Bookmarking: This place in time.
Opening: Up to my dreams the Lord has given me.
Giggling: Over how beautiful my office room for creating is. Blessed.
Feeling: Overwhelmingly still but ready to move in this place of life we are in. Its beautiful. 

This was such a wonderful tool to reveal things about myself I didn't completely realize I was feeling. I hope y'all do this. So great! 

~brit

Baby Wearing & Attachment Parenting

It is no secret that I'm slightly crazy about my littles. This over the top charismatic little boy who made me a momma & his precious sister gracing me with overwhelming beauty and restored faith. As their momma I find myself wanting to keep them close to me. Their little hands holding mine, always kissing their cheeks, and hugs lasting all day.

As a full time student in college when Noah was born my schedule required me to be away for 2-3 days a week. Noah nursed and was extremely attached but his little sister seems to have him beat in that department. We tend to encourage this attachment and affection. 

With our first we felt pressured to do things that our friends and family members did with their children. Pressure from ourselves mostly. Bed time routines and whatnot. Our kids for the most part go to bed around the same time each night & they each sleep in their own bed the majority of the time. Noah more often than not climbs into our bed at some point during the night. Olivia sleeps alone 90% of the time. We were never very good at letting Noah cry it out or forcing him to sleep in his own bed if he didn't want to. We can count on one hand how many times we've disciplined our son for not staying in his room to sleep. We quickly threw so much out the window that we thought we had to follow. So this time around, from the get go, we kinda let the idea go that parenting in a specific way was not for us. Instead we were confident in doing things that worked for us. How we enjoyed life. We knew before Olivia was born that we were leaning towards an attachment parenting style because thats what eventually happened with Noah. We also planned for lots of baby wearing. However, I truly didn't anticipate being completely in love with these ideas. 

Life experiences have a way of changing your perspective. Before having kids I remember thinking moms who always had their kids with them must go insane, didn't they want a break? I use to think parents who allowed their littles to sleep with them must not care to enforce discipline. They must just be weak and give into their child's every whim. My mindset has changed drastically over the last four years. Realizing how naive, close minded I use to be.

Perhaps part of the reason I welcome having our children so close to us, with us all the time in whatever we are doing is because it took a lot to get them into our world. (Noah's story here & my struggle with loss here)Including their precious lives into everything we do seems natural. Normal. Each of our children had serious hurdles to cross in utero but the Lord has been faithful to bless us their lives. In ministry we have consciously decided to have me be as present as possible instead of at home with our kids. We make the choice to take them with us wherever we go. It works for us.

Baby wearing has come naturally this time around. Honestly, I love wearing our girl. Looking down at her sweet little nose, kissing her rosy cheeks every few minutes, and always letting her know how much she is loved. It has been a beautiful avenue to express my love for her. 

In the same way we keep Noah close as well. Snuggling him all the time. I have absolutely no clue how many times a day we exchange I love yous, hugs, and lots of kisses. He is precious. This is the time to instill in our children the things we value and hold dear to us.

Baby wearing is such a blessing. I have a sakura bloom ring sling & an ergo (a friend lent me), each are wonderful. I use both of them every single day. Anytime we go out she is in a sling. Life is easier plus she is always close.

A huge perk to wearing your baby verses carrying them in your arms, is you are hands free! Especially in church. Y'all this is a BIG deal for me. On Sundays, Wednesday, and Thursdays you will usually find me with either the sakura or the ergo on with Olivia tucked away inside. It allows me to keep track of Noah while still keeping her safely secured to me. I am hands free during worship. I can totally worship the way I want to and pray for others if I feel led to. It is amazing. 

Cooking, cleaning, feeding her & Noah at the same time is possible with baby wearing. Grocery shopping is a breeze with both kids too. I am a forever fan.

This lifestyle works for us, however so many wonderful moms have chosen a different route that works for them. They are beautiful mothers and we love our children just the same. Attachment parenting & baby wearing are two passions of mine. I do not believe they are for every parent but if you have any questions about either feel free to ask. I'm no expert on either, however only on my experiences. 

~Brit

This post is not a paid advertisement. I simply want to share

 with you my love for baby wearing & attachment parenting.

A Honest Momma. Join me?

I LOVE being a stay at home momma to my sweet little ones. 

These days are so special. Sweet, lovely, and charming.

These little people are two of the three greatest loves of my life.

I prayed hard for each of them.

God has been so faithful to give them to me. Entrusting me with their lives. 

However, that doesn't mean that some days are not challenging. 

Each day is not all smiles, snuggles, and pretty. Some days are mini marathons that I highly doubt some of the best trained athletes could ever survive. Physically, maybe. Mentally, not so much. Being the main caregiver for your family is a challenge at times. I think the most challenging part of it all is for the momma to know who she is, where her identity rest.

As women if our identity is found in the state of our home, then anytime the laundry is overflowing or the floor needs mopped our happiness will not come until we complete the chore.

As a momma if our identity is found in the perfection of motherhood, then we will constantly be striving to be better. Do better. Make them happier. Buy them more things. Take them more places. Do it all.

As a wife if our identify is found in our husbands, how best we can make them happy and striving to be the best house wife (vomit) then we will most surely fail. 

When we fail at all these things where our identity is placed then what is left?

Where do we go from here?

Lets find our identity in Jesus. Finding joy, peace, comfort, and fulfillment in Him. 

Lets remember that being a wife & a momma is not always picture perfect.

Lets give ourselves some grace. Forget trying to always have the prettiest instagram or facebook pictures for the sake of pleasing someone else. Can we forget pretending to be the best? Life is messy sometimes. Lets embrace it.

In saying all of this I've started something on Instagram. 

Started capturing little moments that might not be so perfect.

Perhaps they are moments that most wives, mommas, and women in general would rather keep a secret. Not letting other mommas, wives, women know happen in your home. For example, maybe your bed is unmade for the 5th day in a row. The dishes are still on the table from last nights dinner. The laundry, well that is never done and piling up out of control in your room. So you just keep that door shut tight. 

I've started capturing these moments and sharing them with the hashtag, #ahonestmomma 

If you search that hashtag you will see my post from the last few months. 

One thing about myself that I will forever work to keep is my honesty. To always be real, never trying to be something or someone that I am not. To not be a pretender of a woman, momma, wife, friend, or believer. To be real. Honest. True.

With that said, will you join me?

Will you be #ahonestmomma ? 

Will you consider joining a community of women who are in the same place that you are.

Who maybe need an encouragement that its okay to not be perfect. To not have to have everything together all the time.

Lets face it, thats not reality. Thats not truth. 

Being a honest momma is not an excuse to be a lazy woman. To not care for your children, husband, or neglect responsibility of your home that the Lord has blessed you with. Instead its simply the reality that being a mommy & wife is hard work sometimes. That the reality of a tidy home 24/7 is just not gonna happen with littles. If it does, you can forget ever having a free moment to yourself. to think, write, pray, spend time with others. enjoy your kids being kids. to relax. to feel a little more human. its just not going to happen unless thats all your life is…. cleaning. I would rather be growing and celebrating life.

So if you would like to be vulnerable with me in the hopes of encouraging others & knowing that its okay to not be perfect join me with #ahonestmomma ! Click here to connect!

~Brit

Live a Life Refreshed in Him. Not Yourself.

just breathe

stop controlling

start speaking kindly

move with gentleness

act in kindness

find his grace.

One day last week this is what I began to say to myself around 8:30 am. Johnny was gone to work, I was trying to get dressed for the day & breakfast going. 

My coffee was already cold, reheated twice. 

Olivia was crying. Noah was giving me a run for my money. 

Requiring my patience to work on overtime. 

He was nearly begging me to put him into time out.

I felt anxious. 

Literally out of breath. 

It would have been the perfect moment for me to release myself into the temptation of becoming overwhelmed and allowing the ugliness that wanted to rise up within me out. 

Thankfully, we serve a Jesus who ask us to be mommas of a different standard.

In moments like this He encourages our hearts to act in His love. Not our own. 

To show grace to our little sons who are a bit out of control before 9 am.

He calls us to reach deep into ourselves to pull out the lovely even if its surrounded by ugly.

I breathed in deep. 

Picked up my baby girl. 

Grabbed my little man. 

Asked the Lord to cover our day together. 

Letting us feel refreshed instead of run down.

He has been speaking to me to walk in a life refreshed in Him. Not myself. 

~Brit

Linking up for Mommy Moments.

One. Two.

Then there were two. 

Honestly, most days it still feels very surreal that we have two.

Almost unbelievable that I get to be the momma of two little ones.

I am blessed to care for them everyday of my life. 

to pour into their little beings. 

to protect them. speak truth to them. 

guide their hearts & minds. 

pray over each one.

snuggle up to, laugh with, and enjoy. 

the truth, 

they challenge me beyond what I ever thought to be capable of. 

(my 3 year old in particular) 

they push me to be kinder, more gentle, and to understand loving unconditionally.

especially when the circles under my eyes are very dark, my hair hasn't been washed in nearly a week, and I would do just about anything for a solid 5 minutes alone with my thoughts.

we have a new normal now. bath time looks just a little different these days. Olivia is keen on being held so bath time sometimes includes lots of crying while we wash up. Poor girl is a very colicky baby so mommy usually straps on a sling to tote Olivia around for 3-4 hours a night. Anything to help soothe my princess. Noah is at a place that he just misses daddy a whole lot. The picture above is from him screaming because he wanted to go with Johnny some place. As a mom the opportunity to be kind to him when I'm exhausted arises nearly every day. I'm so thankful the Lord pours into me grace and kindness on a regular basis because without that life with littles would be very hard.

 I've been getting these types of questions often, 

"how is it with two?"or "Its a whole different ball game with two huh?"

yes it is. honestly, its not always easy or pretty. but it really, really is wonderful.

Truly these little people bring me much joy & encouragement.

Already, they bring true happiness to my heart when the enemy tries desperately to steal my joy.

These two put smiles on my face when life is a bit uncertain. 

the last two months have been the most challenging of my life. 

there have been times when I literally felt as if I were fighting for my life. 

the enemy trying to steal our happiness by attacking my health.

but the promises of the Lord are proven to me in my babies. 

The Lord is so faithful. each one of my children are specific reminders of who God is to me.

Noah is healing. 

One in heaven is peace. 

Another in heaven is grace. 

Olivia is my faith baby.

I'm so thankful for each of their lives.

In the moments that I'm feeling really tired, or theres potential to feel overwhelmed I simply remember how blessed I am by them. I've prayed so hard for their lives, health, and they are such a joy! I really just want to kiss their sweet baby cheeks, and snuggle up with them all the time. I really am enjoying being a momma of two. 

Happy Monday.

~brit