Breathless

Tonight I almost feel breathless 

Like each breath is a little harder to take in

My lungs slower to take in the air 

My chest working harder to push it back out 

Consciously reminding myself to keep breathing 

Because I feel out of breath 

My heart aches tonight 

Literally my soul is heavy 

The enemy attacking loved ones

Sickness tearing apart vibrant lives 

lies overpowering minds to pull people deep down into the pit of depression 

addictions over taking precious lives, minds, and hearts. 

Fear crippling perfectly healthy bodies

Worry stripping away promises of the gospel 

Judgement decaying the body of Christ

Unforgiveness festering in hearts leading to destruction 

Women tearing apart women with their eyes, thoughts, and critical attitudes 

Men refusing their roles 

Youth learning to disrespect  

A society feeding off of anger

Communities hating others. Ignoring problems. Developing new ones. 

Me forgetting to pray. 

I feel breathless. 

My heart aches 

My soul is overwhelmed 

A righteous anger must overtake our hearts cries to fight with powerful truths from a savior who defeats all. 

God replace my breathlessness with your truths to fight in a place that exhausts. 

A righteous anger in my battle cry. 

One that never gives me opportunity to forgo praying to sit still in exhaustion. 

A righteous anger to change things, motivate my movements, be an aid in restoring situations by you, breath life into the broken by your grace, and speak your truths above all. 

Give us our breath. 

Let us stand righteously in you. 

A Perfect Me. To Replace a Perfect You.

Jesus help me.

Help me to get it right more than I get it wrong .

Cultivate patience within me.

Help my overwhelmed soul sinking in this sea of sticky counters, cheese covered floors and my unrealistic desire to successfully balance motherhood, wife, ministry, and my dreams come to the surface of your shores.

Into the arms of your grace. mercy. love. 

Jesus I'm calling out from the deeper parts of me.

Asking you to help me get it right.  

Jesus help me.

Help me to get it right more often than I get it wrong.

My desire is to not to be the perfect woman; 

the unflustered mother, 

having it all together, 

maintaining an uninterrupted routine (one not even you could set astray), 

a mother who never raises her voice in frustration

a mom whose makeup doesn't sweat off before she enters the sanctuary doors 

the woman who never repeats her outfit from the week before

the mom who works out 5 x's a week & never drinks coke

a wife who meets her husbands every daily need

all while keeping a tidy home and a working mom from home.

Jesus help me.

Help me to get it right more than I get it wrong.

My soul longs to never be perfect.

God, then I wouldn’t need a perfect savior.

My heart longs to be patient in these waves of daily life.

To yearn for your Holy Spirit to find me day after day as I sweep my floors again & again.

I need this longing to always last within my soul to have your joy released in my home in moments of frustration. 

To speak truth over my body - the temple you have created for me to best serve you from.
Protect my thoughts from harmful words centered around my temple.
Keep my mouth shut never spilling out words of harm over it.
Guard my heart Lord.
Keep me God.

Jesus thank you.

Jesus thank you for helping me.

Helping me to get it right more than I get it wrong.

To notice when I get it wrong and to be encouraged to set my eyes on you. 

To pursue you when my thoughts gravitative towards a perfect me to replace a perfect you.

~Brittany 

Abide. How wrong I was...

image via Happy Heart Box

Every other Sunday evening a group of sweet women and myself gather around a table at Panera Bread to discuss Abiding. I’m honored to lead a Thrive small group and this season we chose to work through a journal called, Abide, by NaptimeDiaries. Its an eight week study that is all about resting in the Lord as women while we realize that we in fact don’t know everything that we thought we did about trusting, resting, and growing in the Lord.

This is what I love about the gospel. We can never reach a plateau. There is not a level of “knowing it all” or “having it all together” in Him that we can attain because our God is just too big for us, full of so much grace, and offering a never ending fountain of knowledge to us. We just have to search his truths, wisdom, and all the grace we can receive while we pursue him.

Easier sad than done.

As we began reading through Abide a few months ago together (it has taken us a little longer than 8 weeks) I quickly realized how little abiding I was actually doing in my life. Once again I thought I was abiding because I’ve somehow figured out how to - on most days - have alone time with Jesus. Even if alone time means I've been asked 20 times to put on Curious George or I change a diaper and pick up a pretty little girls pacifier 15 times. Its time in the word and I’m so very desperate for his gospel that I will take it however it comes to me.

Little did I truly understand that abiding wasn’t worshiping to music during my day at home, or squeezing in his word when I could, and it even wasn’t trusting him with my thoughts, hurts, worries, and concerns. This wasn’t abiding at all. This was spending time with my savior and worshiping the one I am blessed to know.

Abide, the journal, has opened my heart to understand that truly abiding in the Lord is making new rhythms in my life of pursuing Jesus on a daily basis. Rhythms that have come from a true desire to find my rest not in sleep but to truly rest in him. To spend time alone with my thoughts, prayers, and love for our King without anything or anyone threatening that time. For me, I’ve truly fallen in love with a time of day that use to be so ungodly to me. A time of day that I rarely have seen in my life unless I was catching an early flight, holding a sick baby, or too worried about something that I couldn’t sleep.

I’ve fallen in love with a quiet, still, absolutely breathtakingly beautiful 5 or 6 am. I know, you think I’ve lost it, maybe you think I’m “one of those Christians” or perhaps you don’t believe me. But I’m so serious.

It’s so wonderful. I just want every single woman (momma or not) to do this. At least a few times. When I use to hear women say they woke up before everyone else I literally would think they must be those super hero Christians or totally crazy or totally exaggerating because there is no way anyone would do that on purpose. Jeopardize their glorious uninterrupted sleep. Especially if she had kids because God knows where you are in life & totally gets that you are cleaning up poop and exhausted that you don’t need to wake up early for him. He gets it.

Yep. Ive given that advise before. Which in many ways I 100% believe. God gets that my bible time, worship time, and prayer time is stretched out over 24 hours, crammed in between PBJs and the evening news but shouldn’t I want more? Maybe I need more…

Turns out I do.

Now, I’m her. Not a superhero Christian, crazy, or exaggerating… instead I’m just truly needing to abide in him before I do anything else in my day. It makes knowing him, resting in him, and sustaining me so much easier. Joyous. Happier. And even when my days are so full that I can barely remember if I’ve brushed my teeth (it happens, don’t judge) it doesn’t seem like it is at all. The days seem so full, so wonderful, so amazing, and full of grace.

Rest.

What does abiding mean to you?

What does it look like for you?

In love,

Brit

Today is the Day! Happy Heart Box is HERE!

Happy Heart Box from Brittany Willard on Vimeo.

This is the day that I have been praying about & working so hard towards. If you follow me on facebook or instagram you are fully aware that I've been up to something the last two months. This is it! The Lord gave me a dream this year to start a ministry for women. The purpose to encourage women to passionately pursue Jesus at all times. Especially in the hard times. I invite you to take a few minutes of your day to watch this video and to visit Happy Heart Box at www.happyheartbox.com to learn all about this ministry. 

My heart is to bless women who are experiencing a difficult time in life with a gift box full of beautiful products. FREE of charge! If you own a handmade shop or would like to donate products please email me at happyheartbox@gmail.com Also there is a go-fund-me account set up to fully fund Happy Heart Box for the entire first year! This will fund 56 boxes that will be sent out to women throughout the year. Happy Heart Box is completely run by donations and we need you to be successful. 

Please feel free to share with everyone you know. 

Thanks!

~brit

Will You Sit with Me?

On any given morning my four year old stumbles across the room heading in my direction to ask me, "Mommy, can I sit with you?" 

Every time his sleepy voice ask that simple question my heart gets full. I scoop him up close to me. Grab the fuzzy green blanket nearby pulling it around the two of us. Wrap my arms around his little self. Kiss the back of his precious blonde locks. There we sit. 

He is mine. A part of me. 

He came from me. Of course he can sit with me. 

I want to spend time with him. Loving on him. Making him feel special. 

My hope is for him to know that he can come sit with me any time he likes. As much as he needs me.

Because I am his.

A few mornings ago I realized this is how God feels about me. About us.

He loves us. Adores us. Cares for us so deeply that he wants to spend time with us.

As much as we will allow. As often as we will ask, Father can I sit with you? He will say yes everytime.

Sometimes in life there are times that are so hard to feel the Lord.

To really know that he is with you, right next to you, walking through life with you.

I've been thinking about the times lately in life that I remember feeling like couldn't pray. Feeling as if I could not get Gods attention. There have been times when I literally felt as if God was ignoring me. Passing me by to go to someone else. Not hearing my desperate cries to him.

Early this week I was reminding a lady to simply ask the Lord if he will come sit with you. He will always say yes. Allow him to sit with you. Even if you don't know what to say. Even if all you know how to do is be silent with him. Allow him to embrace you while you are quiet. Listen for his heart beat. Just sit with him. He desperately wants you to ask. He wants you to let him in. 

I'm thankful that in those desperate times when I just needed the Lord to wrap his love around me, that I asked him to sit with me. Sometimes we can get caught up in the idea that God knows what we need so he just should answer us, show up when we cry out. The Lord has been gracious to me this year in teaching me sometimes he wants to sit with me. Not just intervene to deliver me from my cries in those moments of need. He wants me to ask him to sit with me, spend time in his presence. This has been the single most difficult lesson I've had to learn. To be patient in waiting for him to show up. To be gracious enough to spend time with him instead of demanding that he deliver me from the dark places. I wish I could say my attitude was pure during these times, but it was not. However, God still loves me in my ugliness in the waiting. Teaching me how to celebrate in the desert. Out of my desperation a deeper intimacy with him has grown. 

I want to always remember to ask the Lord to sit with me.

~Brit

He Moves When Our Feet Are Wet

Sometimes you just need to get your feet wet.

Spiritually.

Literally.

Lately I've been longing for the Lord to move in new ways within my heart.

It is amazing how just when I begin to wonder if there are new ways for Him to speak to me...

He does.

Its beautiful.

Reviving.

I've loved the Lord my whole life but still He shows me new ways to love. In Him.

Its been raining for a while in our life. Figuratively. We are at a place that we embrace the rain with open arms. For when it pours showers that are hard-seem to never end-He forever is on the other side giving fresh grace and mercy. Teaching us to trust beyond the ability of our own nature. We have learned that without our arms open in praise during the rain that we can not walk into His victories. We can not learn to embrace His full glory.

Tonight there is rain on my feet.

Perfect, refreshing rain for my soul.

As the Lord speaks crisp, so clearly to my heart.

I'm caught up in the love of the Lord while it literally pours rain all around me as I write out bits from my heart. Sitting outside with worship playing, hands raised praising the King - He is pouring his love out in showers of mercy & grace.

He reminds me that this is our time for victory.

When the enemy is moving the Lord is working.

God is breathing new dreams within us.

Healing moves throughout our bodies.

Our freedom takes deep root in him.

Boldness rises within our souls, crying out.

Worship brings the victory from the King.

As the rain pours with our eyes locked onto His, the enemy is confused.

The enemy does not want us to persevere standing in Christ as it pours.

That is the best victory of all.

Lets get our feet wet.

Even if its uncomfortable. Even if it is hard. Even if it hurts.

Even if you can not see your feet because the water is too deep, embrace the rain.

It is worth it.

Listen to this song below.

~Brit