Butterflies

When I think of you I think of butterflies 

While pregnant with Olivia before we knew we were having a girl all I could think of were butterflies. 

Beautiful, soft, unique, graceful, light, full of life - butterflies. 

I started making things with butterflies.

Gravitating towards art with butterflies.

I bought a small journal with butterflies on the cover. (The journal is hers, full of precious memories of her life so far.) 

I knew our sweet baby was a girl. 

Once the ultra sound confirmed it my my heart smiled a little bigger. 

Unsure of why butterflies were what I saw when I thought of our baby I took some time to think about it. Pray. 

I handmade her mobile, complete with roses and butterflies. Her room like a garden with flowers everywhere. 

A desire to know about plants, gardening, and beautiful living things became a love of mine. 

Understanding the lows my heart had been in - the doubt of never having another baby, the uncertainty of my pregnancy - the Lord began encouraging  me with butterflies. 

Glimpses of hope in beautiful glances. 

Noah and I seeing them daily in the yard. 

My heart reassured that our baby would be beautiful, full of life, graceful, and a constant reminder of faithfulness in the broken parts of life. 

Sweet girl, when I think of you i think of butterflies. 

With love,

Your mommy 

Tiny Toes Dancing Down the Hall

When the toys in the tub don't stick to the bathtub walls

When baby dolls are no longer lining the hallway 

Race cars are stacked away neatly

Muddy shoes are clean 

Cheerios are not riddled throughout the house

My heart will ache. 

My eyes will well with tears

The lump in my throat will grow big

My mind will grasp for the memories 

My breath will be taken back. 

My children will be grown. 

I will wish, believing with every once of magic in me, that just maybe I could have the bathtub toys sticking again. And the crackers stuck on the bottoms of my bare feet once more. 
The early morning snuggles that start before the sun rises. 

Today my hugs tighter around my little ninja turtle for afternoon snuggles.

Tonight one more song to sing before we say our prayers. 

In the middle of the night my smile will stretch from ear to ear with each crumb stuck to my feet as I walk through the house to get a cup of milk after a bad dream.

Then 

In the morning tiny toes dancing down the hall will be the most wonderful melody to my ears. 

It's a beautiful way of living. 

To be a mom. 

~brittany 

My Journey to Motherhood

Being a mom was something I never thought too much about growing up. I was not a girl who knew one day she wanted to be a mom, let-alone a stay-at-home mom, that phrase honestly terrified me to my core. To be totally transparent, it made me sick to my stomach to think about sacrificing my dreams to raise children. The thought of raising children did not sound like something I would enjoy. I was the girl who didn't need a turn holding the baby in the room, no thanks. I'll pass, was usually my line when asked if I wanted to hold one. I babysat one time in high school for our neighbors for 3 hours. Never again.

Noah was a surprise. Johnny & I had only been married 3 months when I got pregnant. I was a senior in college and we were full time youth pastors. I had so many dreams of working in my field and pursuing things that I wanted to accomplish. To be honest, I cried so hard when we found out I was pregnant. I took 8 at home pregnancy test, EIGHT y'all! Just to be sure it was for real! We told our parents very soon after and three days later I went to the clinic to get things going. Then, a huge shock, the pregnancy test at the clinic came back NEGATIVE! I was so devastated. I remember calling my husband who was in California on a work trip just bawling so hard in complete despair. It was incredible how quickly God changed my heart from being devastated to learn of the pregnancy to then be in in such sorrow over a negative test.

Obviously, the test at the clinic was wrong (apparently that never happens) and Noah was born 9 months later. My pregnancy was typical, filled with nonstop sickness, cravings, and exhaustion. But I genuinely loved every minute of being pregnant. The moment Noah was born I was ready to do it all again. Seriously, who would have thought?

I was so in love with my son. I remember saying to Noah as they laid his tiny self on my chest, "You are even more wonderful that I imagined" and he was. He is. My heart grows every day with each hug, kiss, and smile he gives me. The precious words he says continually bless me in the most tender ways. Even on those hard days when being a mom is just hard, I love it. 

Watching Noah explore this world has been incredibly exciting. His raw feelings, emotions, and thoughts are refreshing on a day-to-day basis. Olivia's stoic expressions are so priceless. Her laugh is just as contagious as her brothers. Their little arms around my neck calm my soul. 

Looking back I realize how terrified of the unknown I was. Never understanding before children just how caught up in my dreams I was, instead of pursuing the dreams God had for me. I never knew how selfish of a person I was before becoming a mother. Our children have taught me to serve Christ and to serve others in ways I never thought possible. They've taught me to truly think outside of myself. Caring for them everyday is truly a joy and a privilege that I hold onto.My heart rejoices that I am the mother of two sweet babies here on earth and two sweet ones in heaven that we never got to meet. Thankful for the gift of motherhood. Praying there are more little ones in our future. I'm so thankful the Lord knew when to bless us with each of our babies. This journey of motherhood is the the walk of a lifetime.

~brittany

A Love Note for Olivia

One of my greatest accomplishments in life is making you feel loved.

One of the greatest lessons in life I've learned is that no amount of money, social status, or fleeting joy will ever satisfy my soul the way loving you can. 

You have taught me to embrace life with a passion in the middle of trials in a way I never dreamed would be possible. You came into my life as a beautiful whirlwind. 

My sweet Olivia Rose you are a precious gift.

~your mommy 

Monday, Saying Yes.

Oh this little guy of mine. Monday was a sweet day with him.

Johnny & I often play the game scattergories after dinner when we have friends over or with our college small group. We keep the game in the hutch in the kitchen & Noah occasionally will open the door and request to play it at random times. I usually redirect him to something else because...well... I know he is too little for the game and I don't feel like trying to keep up with pieces & whatnot. Just being honest.

So when he asked Monday to play & I said yes, it was as if I said we were going to disney land. His little face lit up & he was so proud to be playing it. This little man sat across from me with so much intrigue, patience, and excitement to play this game with his momma. I felt so guilty that my usual answer to us playing this game together is, no. I made up a few rules to help us have a good time & he was so happy.

We also did our usual painting.

We've been working on this little wooden puppy from Michaels for a week now. 

Monday Teddy got dressed too. 

That evening we went to a friends house for dinner & had such a great time just hanging out.Noah was in heaven outside & the kids picked these pretty flowers. I came home to find the perfect little place for them. It was a happy Monday!

~Brit