Our Love Story: A Story of Redemption

Our love story is unusual, unlikely, and completely created by the Lord. God allowed something beautiful to come from my devastating reality of a love lost.

This is our story. Johnny & I both wanted to be apart of sharing our story. We bounce back & forth between the two of us in an attempt to share our own perspectives. Our prayer is that you enjoy our love story and hopefully in some way find encouragement.

This is me, Brit.
I think that every little girl dreams about her wedding day. The dress, hair, and her daddy giving her away to live happily ever after.

I am a Texas girl from a small coastal town. I grew up in a wonderful home with the sweetest parents in the world. Our home was filled with a whole lotta loving Jesus, laughing, nonstop silliness, and love. I always knew I wanted the same for my life. Around the age of 14 I started writing letters to my future husband and praying for him. Whoever he may be.

My freshman year of college I became friends with this very sweet guy. We were always together, hanging out, and eventually we started dating. He was everything I had dreamed of, for my love, to be. We had so much fun together. At the end of our sophomore year we got married to become husband and wife. We were so excited, very much in love, and we moved off to finish college together at Texas State University.

Hey! This is me, Johnny.

Meanwhile, you have me. An Iowa born & raised guy. My family moved to Texas right before my 18th birthday. We moved from a small town of 5,000 people to Houston 4,000,000 people! must say, a bit of a shock.

The fact that we didn't have to drive an hour anymore to go to the mall was nice. Although, I would later find out how much I missed a small town life but I have learned that home is where family is. Thank the Lord I have the best family in the world. our home was always filled with laughing, love, doing something outside, and of course the Willard interrupting. I had always dreamed about having a family, getting married, and growing old with my wife. I remember as a young boy I hated to hear people talking about the rapture because I was not yet married! HA! Silly, I know, but at the time it was a big thing to me. If only I would have known WHO (Brittany) God had for me, I would have relaxed and not have been so worried.

Back to Brit

Eight months into being married & living in San Marcos my loving husband became someone, on most days, that I did not recognize as the man I married. The lifestyle that he chose to live was not one that was ever us. I have decided to not talk about all aspects of this relationship but I will say that on the good days I felt like I knew my husband, but there were few good days at this point. My life was filled with nights of going to sleep feeling as if I did not know who was really sleeping next to me. Every evening was extremely overwhelming. I lived continually not knowing how the night was going to play out. Often I slept on the floor of our tiny bathroom apartment because for many unsaid reasons, I felt the safest. The man I married & loved had over time convinced me that I was not beautiful, unintelligent, and controlled every aspect of my life. At one point in time I secretly (from friends & family) dropped out of college to work full time because my husband had convinced me that college was never going to happen for me so I should just drop out and earn more money.

Let me say this; Marriage to me is something beautiful & sacred. When I married my husband I vowed to love, honor, and respect him for all the days of my life. Even in the good times & the hard times. I meant those promises. During this time, I just kept thinking that these were the really bad times. There were glimpses of good here and there that kept me believing it would be okay. I kept praying that this nightmare of life would soon be better if God could just get a hold of him again. I believed I could get passed everything that he had done to me at that point in time.

One good morning, my husband brought me flowers and asked me to lunch. After, I went home and he returned to work. Ten minutes later my husband walked through the door beat red, shaking, yelling, and explaining everything that I did wrong. (Rarely did I do much that was right, so this was not too out of the ordinary). The difference about this rant was that he looked me in the eyes to tell me he did not love me and did not want to be with me anymore. Followed by, get out of our apartment. Then he went into our room to lie down on the bed. I just remember repeating over and over, "What, what, what are you talking about?" After hearing his rant yet again, this time with my back pushed against the wall with him yelling directly into my face, I shakily walked into our living room, sat down on the floor, looked up, and said aloud, "I need you Lord".

God truly held me in that moment. I just sat there in shock after hearing the man that, at one time, I knew was going to love me forever, take care of me, have babies with me, and grow old with - tell me he did not love me. I just remember asking how can this be? Although on most days I did not feel loved, I really did love my husband. Regardless of everything he did to me I still wanted my marriage. The hell that I was living in had become my life. My world. It was all I knew in that moment. By Gods grace I left our apartment that day. A few days later he confirmed to me all the secrets he kept from me, but I had always known were going on in the back of my mid. Although I knew his secrets before he confessed them, I just continued to love and honor him regardless of the betrayals. I valued our covenant and held onto the hope that it wouldn't always be this way.

The next several weeks are nothing but a blur to me. I was a walking zombie just going through life taking one day at a time, because that is the only way I knew how to live. To make the story shorter I went back home to live with my parents & left college for a year. During that time I fought to get my husband to talk to me, because I didn't know what else to do. He was in such a dark place in life that was so unfathomable to most. He would not talk to me. The few times he did it was just as before, he continued to speak to me with so much hatred, anger, no respect, and zero regard for our marriage. After months of wanting him back and him once again manipulating me to believe it was entirely my fault and that I was to blame for his actions I had to make a choice. I had to stop choosing to continue to accept his abuse. It is interesting because before this relationship I could never understand why women chose to stay in abusive relationships. I always asked, "Why don't they just LEAVE him?" One day I had the most sickening realization that I had become, that woman. In that moment, I had the choice to choose to take him back or to say no to the abuse. Honestly I was torn. I vowed to love my husband forever. I started having feelings of should I let myself be treated like this forever? How many other woman, are too many? I had become the woman who wanted her abuser back. One day while driving through town, I remember staring at myself in the rear view mirror saying aloud, "How did I get here? How did I become this person? Who am I?"

Some time later, I was completely overwhelmed by emotion from finally accepting my husband had betrayed me with other women, hurt me deeply in so many ways, and now having the rude awakening that I had become that woman. It was too much to take. One morning around 6 am at my parents home I found my way to the small hall bathroom & laid myself on the floor. I began praying on the cold tile floor. Saying to the Lord, "I can not do this, I do not know what to do, I want my husband back - I do not care what has happened - but I can not keep fighting for someone who doesn't want me,  does not love me, and is so cruel, please take this out of my hands." After several hours of literally crying out to God, I heard him say, "It's going to be okay." I got up and began to feel like I could kinda breath again. I was able to eat without becoming sick and could carry on a conversation without crying. God completely took over.
 I am forever changed by that prayer time on the bathroom floor.

Let me give you an idea of what I looked like at this time. This was me. I don't know who took this picture of me, but I am thankful it was taken. This pictures means so much to me. It shows where I have come from & where I never will go again. It represents the abuse, denial, and the complete state of despair I was in but have overcome through Jesus Christ. He is truly my savior, my joy, my freedom! A scripture I hold dear to my heart is Psalm 51:8,

"You have broken me, now let me REJOICE!"

Over the course of a few months I slowly started to resemble a functioning human being. Shortly after making the decision to stop accepting the abuse I chose to start working hard to become whole again and allow Jesus Christ to be my guide. One day, my dad walked into the kitchen after golfing with the youth pastor from his church, this guy.

This stranger was all smiles, full of life, and seeped happiness from within. This was not someone that I wanted to be around.

The thought of being around anyone other than family scared me because I was very emotionally unstable. It was possible for me to burst into tears at any given moment while in conversation. This guy poured out happiness and my lifeless self was unable to absorb his energy.

 This is Johnny again

From the very moment I first met Brit all I wanted to do was be her happy. Although I had just found out what had happened in her life, I just wanted to bring her some joy. I remember a great Texas cold day when we were sitting on her parents trampoline just talking. I made the statement, "If the only reason I am in your life right now is to bring you happy then that is what I will do. 
Be your happy."

Even though I knew there was something about this girl! I wanted to be around her more than a little while. I called my mom and told her, "There is something about this girl that I LOVE!" We just began hanging out, getting coffee, going for walks, eating, and watching movies at her parents home. It seriously was awesome getting to know her. Then again, it still is :)

Yes, there were moments of breakdowns. Moments of crying. Many silent moments of just sitting still next to her. Moments of running in a park without ever saying a word to one another. Then there were moments of laughing out loud. And then there were moments 
of uncontrollable smiling.

And those moments for me were, truthfully, some of the most amazing times of my life. I saw her at her worst. I get to walk with her to her best.

Back to Brit

I remember asking my mom what man, that loves God & desires to serve the Lord is ever going to want to be with me. In my mind, my divorce meant I was like poison to any man that loved God & wanted to be in ministry. I truly believed there would not be a single man, who sincerely served the Lord, that would want anything to do with me. (That was the enemy lying to me)

I had been so broken. God truly restored my heart and mind so quickly from the loss of my marriage & the deep hurt that such a betrayal had taken. However, for a very long time my happy-go-lucky spirit was no where to be found. There are a lot of things that I do not feel I need to talk about that occurred during the time I was married to this individual. Basically I was emotionally beaten down to the point that I was unrecognizable to my friends & family. Physically I was me, but that was about it.

One day my dad said to me, "My baby girl is starting to come back, I have missed her. You will get there soon baby. It is all going to be okay." Those words broke my heart. I was determined to get back to the me that I loved being. Through much self therapy (a ton of jogging, drawing, writing, praying, dancing, singing, and drives in my car) the old me started to come around. For an extremely long time little things would make me burst into tears or flash backs of memories I wanted so badly to forget would come to mind. In time those became less frequent. I had become a newer version of me. I loved it!

Johnny became my happy. I had forgotten how to laugh. What it was like to smile uncontrollably to the point that you burst into laughter & then cry with joy!

I needed to be reminded on a daily basis that it was okay to be happy, to laugh, and to smile. Johnny let me know that it was okay to feel important and beautiful.

He took me back to the silly me that was stolen from me. His smiles are truly contagious. It is impossible to not forget your worries when you are around him.

I was not looking for anything when I met Johnny. Friendship was not even an idea at that time. Johnny is my gift from God. He is the man that I have been praying for & writing to since I was a young girl. I may not understand everything, as to why I went through what I have, but I do know that God makes all things beautiful.

I know that he is in control. 

God took such a broken girl and turned her life into one more precious than her imagination could ever have dreamed up. Johnny asked me this question the first week that we met, "All I want to be is your happy. If I am in your life for a few weeks or a few months. Then that is what I am. Just your happy for now. 

Would that be okay?" I said, "Yes."

A year & a half later Johnny asked me to marry him on Town Lake in Austin after a fairytale date that ended with him on one knee singing to me,

 "Can I always be your happy?" 

My answer again was, "Yes."

Six months later, on our wedding day my husband sang to me a sweet love song to let me know, 

"I will be your happy, through the good, the bad, the pretty, & the sad."

My sweet man saw me at my very worst and truly loved me as a friend through moments when I was unable to look at myself. The first few months of our friendship I would cry at least once a week in front of him. I am so thankful for the gift I have in my husband. I still have moments that I think to myself, "Is this guy for real? Is he really this patient, sweet, kind, gentle, and handsome?" He is such a wonderful best friend, husband, and father. God knew exactly the type of person I needed. He gave me my husband. Johnny truly loves me. I truly love him. This is just the beginning of our Love Story.

I hope that you enjoyed our story. In ways I hope that you are encouraged to know that God loves you. In every situation and circumstance he has you. He is still in control. 

My life is a testament of God's faithfulness. 

Please feel free to share your love story with me. Send me an email or a comment because I would love to hear it!

~Brit

Celebrate. Never Silent.

My words for the new year came at the beginning of the month while spending some alone time with the Lord at our kitchen table. I desperately needed some encouragement from the Lord. 

my healer, my savior, the one who truly renews my strength. makes me brave. 

the one who has held me tightly the last 4 months, whispering in my ear, 

"I have you" in moments when my health felt uncertain. 

Noah was sitting across from me coloring.

Olivia was snuggled up to my chest in the sling.

I simply asked the Lord to guide my time with him and he led me to Psalm 30.

I read it all. I've read it before. 

This morning was very different.

This time the words - my worship to the Lord. 

The words were crying out from every ounce of me.

I read it all to Noah, not sure if he would actually listen. He did. 

His response, "Oh Mommy that makes my heart very happy. Read it again."

Psalm 30:1-3

I will exalt you Lord, for you rescued me. You refused to let my enemies triumph over me.

O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you restored my health. You brought me up

from falling into the pit of death. 

....

vs. 8 

I cried out to you, O Lord.

I begged the Lord for mercy saying, 

"What you will gain if I die, if I sink into the grave? 

Can my dust praise you?

Can it tell of your faithfulness?

vs. 10

Hear me, Lord, and have mercy on me. Help me, O Lord."

You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.

You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with Joy,

vs. 12 

that I might sing praises to you and not be Silent.

O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!

....

2014 is a year for me to Celebrate. Never be Silent. 

My God is my healer. 

Year after year. Day after day.

He has rescued me many times when the enemy 

has tried his very best to triumph over me. 

God has set me free. 

Giving me new praises each day.

Called me to trust me. 

To be brave in him.

So, how can I be Silent? 

I'm ready for this year of exploring every avenue the Lord presents for me to share him.

His life. salvation. his mercies. joys. healing. faithfulness. 

To celebrate his goodness with grace in little & big ways in my everyday life. 

 It is possible to celebrate life.

Celebrate God even when all the things aren't just as we may want them to be. 

It is a season to celebrate. Right where we are. Right in the midst of it all. 

Thankful for a God who is constantly doing a new thing in each of us. If we just let him.

~brit

A Dimple: Our Reminder of Healing

Forever I just want to keep him so close to my heart.

My little Noah turned 3 on May 12. Noah came into our lives as a very big surprise. Johnny & I were only married 3 months when we learned I was two weeks pregnant. Life was a bit crazy at that time as we were in full time ministry (youth & college), I was a full time student, and we lived in an apartment on the church property. Perhaps Noah was not a part of our life plan at that time, but the Lord knew exactly what he was doing when he gave us our son.

When I was 5 months pregnant we learned Noah had kidney problems. The rest of my pregnancy I saw a specialist often & had ultrasounds every month. (The fun ones that our 4D) The doctors worked with us on a plan of action for Noah to have immediate surgery & on going care because one of his kidneys was very large for his tiny self.  Noah came three weeks early and he was born just over 6 lbs. after 22 hours of labor & his mommy having some intense complications. The Lord was faithful to us through it all. Immediately after he arrived the specialist completed an ultrasound & a few other test on him to prepare for surgery. However, the Lord had already healed him. His little kidneys were perfect & he has never had a problem. The only reminder we have of his kidney problems is the tiny dimple on his right ear. The specialist explained that the reason for the dimple is because the kidneys & the ears develop at the same time. Often when there are problems with the kidneys in the womb there is a small dimple in the ear that forms. For us it is the perfect reminder of the Lords faithfulness in healing our little Noah. 

This baby. He has always been silly & making us laugh.

He has never been afraid to show us how he truly feels.

& napping anywhere has never been a problem for him.

There has not been a single day to pass that our little Noah has not brought us true joy & laughter. I have been looking over the hundreds, thousands of pictures I've taken of him over the last three years & my heart is so full as I thank God for giving him to us. Thankful for his healing. We were not sure of the timing when we found out we were expecting, but God knew exactly what he was doing. Excited for this new year with our little man! Happy he will be a big brother soon.

Happy Thursday!

~Brit

Linking up with Lovely Little Whimsy for Thankful Thursdays.

Bold

Hello Friends. 


Life has kinda been throwing me some surprises over the last 2 weeks & last Monday was no different with a phone call from my dad. He called to tell me that while going to his doctor for a pre-checkup for a minor surgery he was about to have he was informed that he had a lot of blockage in one of the arteries in his heart. He went on to tell me that on Thursday he would have a heart-cath that would most likely lead to a by pass because of the blockage found. To be honest, in my mind I am thinking, for real God? Right now, with everything else going on? After this very selfish thought it was followed by, Okay, so this will be the first hurdle to jump right now.


Immediately, all of our family & friends & myself chose not to accept these test results. That sounds kinda bold, but when you've been given horrible test results many times before, you know the one place to turn to. This is the great thing about belonging to Jesus Christ is that we know about the power of prayer and that we are saved & healed in His name. And when you know & experience the power of Jesus once, that is all you need. It is enough.


I wanted to make the trip to be with my parents during this time because it was impossible for either my brother or sister to make it. So, fortunately, Johnny was able to keep Noah for me (making the trip so much easier, thank you honey) and I drove down Wednesday. Even in the circumstance, it was nice spending time with just my parents & myself. Although most people might be worried & fretting the 3 of us were cracking jokes, watching ridiculous old sitcoms, my dad and I were singing songs we had recently written to one another, and we all stayed up far too late. The next morning at 5 am we drove to Houston & my dad went in for his procedure around 9 am. 

Right after he went back I re-read this from the book, The Circle Maker, "The more opposition we experience the harder we have to pray, and the harder we have to pray the more miracles God does." Kinda perfect timing for the last 2 weeks I've had. The nurse wheeled my dad back into the room 40 minutes later, with an all clear. The doctor quickly followed up with, "There was no blockage in that artery, at all, I guess the test was wrong." Ha. I believe the test was accurate, but I know God intervened. I believe this is just the first of many more miracles to come this year. Love the promises of the Lord. Healing is just one. 

~Brit