First a video to prep you before you read this post. ha. this is my child. yes, he's sticking berries from outside into his belly button. He just started doing it once I hit record. oh my.
Wednesday & Thursday last week were pretty rough for this momma. Noah got into some poison ivy/oak & it made him very agitated in regards to his temperament. My usually over the top sweet, snuggly, care free little Noah was a bit of a challenge - to say the least - for his mom. I'll spare you with the three year old antics but I'll just say it was a bit much by Thursday afternoon. Around 3 pm I found myself sitting alone in my room counting the minutes until Johnny would walk through the door from work. To rescue me. On the verge of tears. I never do that. Well unless sickness has taken over.
Sitting there, I just felt sad.
Sad that my patience wasn't more abundant.
Sad that my three year olds change in attitude had the ability to determine my own.
Sad that as a momma I wasn't able to muster up enough grace to give to myself & to my son.
Sad that instead of enjoying the last two days I'd spent them in - nearly - constant discipline mode.
Discipline mode is such a joy killer. So are bad attitudes. His & Mine.
Although, those two days were totally frustrating & made me feel like my sanity was in question (not really) I still wouldn't change anything. I wouldn't change the fact that Noah clogged up the toilet with an entire roll of TP. Smushed blueberries into the carpet. Purposefully dropped peaches all over the kitchen floor. Pooped in his pants 3 times (when he knows not to). Threw a fit in McAllisters over mac n cheese. And landed in time out way too many times to count. Or refused to play in the sprinkler after his preggo momma drug the very heavy thing out there. (its not your average sprinkler)
I wouldn't change it because I know in 15 years my heart is going to ache like never before when I watch him graduate high school. Start college or pursue his dreams that might lead him away from me. I am going to wish so badly that a time machine could swiftly take me back to this week that was a bit funky & bad. Instead my heart will break while rejoicing at the wonderful young man I know he will have become. I'm thankful that despite the few times he made a trip to time out - that maybe I could have let slide - that he shows me grace & loves me ten minutes later like nothing happened. My biggest adventure has been becoming his momma & figuring this journey out on my own.
This post was a bit random. Just to let you know that not all is sunshiny weather in the land of motherhood for this lady. Some days are rough. Some days I never sit down, get a break, or feel like I can breath without my little one needing me. And apparently now somedays I sit in my room all gloomy waiting to be off momma duty. Just keeping it real.
Someday will come too soon when I will desperately want these somedays back.