Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Heaven. On My Mind.

I find myself thinking of heaven so often lately. 
what it might 
be like 
look like
feel like.

Do you ever wonder?
Dream of Heaven?

The last few times I've flown the clouds & sunset have been unbelievably beautiful. 
Breathtakingly beautiful. This is the closest to Heaven that I can dream of. 
On my own. 
I have lost loved ones and my sorrow was real. I grieved for their lives, but rejoiced knowing they were with the Lord. In those times of mourning, I never really thought about Heaven so intensely as I find myself these days.

Perhaps this is because my sweet babies are in Heaven. 
My heart needs to know all about the place they are without me. 
Anytime Noah stays at someone else's house for a few hours while I run an errand or have something to do I ask a hundred questions. I'm extremely reluctant about letting him stay with others. I am his mommy, that is my heart - my responsibility - one that I am so thankful to have. 

Even when he stays with his grandparents, I need to know what he will be doing, who will hold him if he gets sad, do they know what songs he loves to sing, what will he eat, and what will he play? I need the person watching Noah to know that he calls his pacifier a fue, he is a picky eater, he loves his "B" aka blanket, he adores snuggling, loves toy story, and that he will try desperately to make you laugh the entire time he's with you - and not me.

All of these questions are running through my mind. 
As I think about our two precious babies in Heaven. I just want to know how they are doing without us. Who is holding them. 
What they look like when they smile.
 Are they as silly as their big brother.
 Do their eyes light up like their daddy's do when they sing. 
Is their hair blonde like mine.
 Do they feel my love now...
even though I've never held them?

There are so many questions. 
Questions I will not have answers to until that wonderful day our whole family reunites in Glory. Answers my heart is at peace with, without receiving. I know Jesus is loving them both for me. My heart aches to be with my two sweet babies but I know Heaven is better than my home. 

Today, I am jealous of heaven. 
I hope that is okay.


  1. I love you.
    Those sweet babies of yours are experiancing a love like you can't even fathom and when you meet them in heaven you will get to know all about it. Until then, you can be jealous

  2. beautiful post-thanks for sharing your heart. I am the same way about letting others take care of my little one-loving another that much is such a blessing!

  3. Last month, when my four years old niece died, I cried at night wondering the same questions as you write. but most importantly who is looking after her. My sister reminded me of our greatgranny, our grandfather, our father, our aunty whom are already there taking care of her. then talking to my sister in law (my niece's mother), she reminded me of how our children are God's children whom are here to bring joy but once is their time to go home in heaven, they return to be angels loved and cared by Almighty.

    This to say that your children are now angels loved abundantly by God and the big celestial family. They are your precious guardian angels.

    God bless


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