Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The Lies He Feeds Me.

{to be honest. this is kinda ugly. messy. real. I hope that is okay.}

I was blessed by Ashley from The Story Project when she invited me to link up for a campaign called, Overcoming the Lie. This lady has a beautiful heart & is living out what the Lord spoke to her heart. I had planned this Valentines Craft week kinda on a whim but I knew I couldn't make it an entire week without sharing my heart. So let me share some truth with you about my life right now.

A few weeks ago I shared this post, about the loss of our sweet babies to be. Then I shared this post. And a few more post over the last month. To be honest, I've been doing really good, considering. I've had moments that I just am really sad & I don't want to do anything. I've had days that Joy is so alive in my heart that I question, "Is there something wrong with me that I'm this happy when I should be sad?" Of course that is the enemy whispering a lie to me, that there is something wrong with me. I know that the Lord is showing his goodness, his faithfulness to me - giving me joy - during this time when my heart aches. 

However, Tuesday was a really hard day. Like, really hard! 
I had pre-blogged for the whole week sharing pretty crafts but as I read over it once it was posted - I kinda felt ashamed. Ashamed that it appears that I'm happy go lucky making crafts & all is peachy in life. When in reality, the truth - the truth is that on Tuesday I cried almost the entire day! 

I woke up with such a heavy heart. I was waking up {on day 4 of little sleep because my mind is constantly going} exhausted. All day Tuesday I allowed the enemy to whisper lies to me...

A few of The Lies:
you will never have more children.
your heart will always ache.
you will never have freedom from these two losses.
you will never have joy when you think of the two babies who are with Jesus. not with you.
if you pursue adoption, it will not go as planned. there will be too many difficulties. 
there is probably something wrong with you.
It was bad friends. It was an ugly, gross, crying, enemy believing kinda day. The kind that all I wanted to do was, nothing. Have you ever had one of these? Please tell me you have. ha.

By 2 pm on Tuesday I was tired of crying, tired of not choosing Joy, living life, and enjoying my beautiful little man Noah. I had received one of the sweetest facebook messages from a friend who I met at Influence. She sends me sweet message often. This one said she prays that I can find hope. (among many other things).

Oh Lord I cried even more because the Lord used my friend to speak to my heart the words I needed to hear. To have hope, find joy, keep living. I forced myself to get up, get dressed, and get out of the house. I decided to run from the lies. And run to the Lord instead. The truth, the truth is that it had been 2 days since I pulled out the word, or even got on my face before Jesus. Asking him to work these things out in my heart. 

It had been 48 hours that I genuinely worshiped from the depths of my heart. Giving praise to my savior who promises to never forget me. leave me. forsake me. hold me. bring me joy. restoration. freedom. I had let 2 whole days pass without spending quality time (more than just a few minutes here & there during the day) with the God who makes beautiful plans for my life. Plans that work together for my good.
Oh friends. Today is Wednesday. Today I am choosing to find joy. hope. peace.
Today I write from my heart. Sharing the lies that the enemy desperately wants me to believe, you to believe, and the lies that he will continue to speak to us. Today I am encouraged by sweet friends who love the Lord and speak truth into my life when I am not willing to pursue it.

My heart & prayer today is that you are encouraged to not believe the lie.
Instead pursue truth! Pursue the King. Pursue Jesus. He is real, alive, and he sets us free.

with love
~Brit

12 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. one day at a time in deed. thanks lady.

      Delete
  2. Wow, I just want to say that this is beautiful. That YOU are beautiful. That your heart is beautiful. That He has heard your cry. I just want to hug you today and remind you of that! I honour your courage and the journey you are on. Greater things are coming for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you Ashley for your sweet words of encouragement. I've enjoyed Overcome the Lie so much! Thanks for emailing me about it, it was perfecting timing. for me.

      Delete
  3. I have had so much going on that I have had zero time to read blogs-- I saw your post on G+ and decide to quickly pop over... "Instead pursue truth! Pursue the King. Pursue Jesus. He is real, alive, and he sets us free." that is exactly what I needed to hear right now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad that it was something you needed to hear... I'm glad I wrote it because it was something I needed to write. so glad you stopped by.

      Delete
  4. I am so so deeply sorry for your loss. It breaks my heart for you even if I can't imagine how that feels.

    "By 2 pm on Tuesday I was tired of crying, tired of not choosing Joy, living life, and enjoying my beautiful little man Noah. I had received one of the sweetest facebook messages from a friend who I met at Influence. She sends me sweet message often. This one said she prays that I can find hope. (among many other things).
    Oh Lord I cried even more because the Lord used my friend to speak to my heart the words I needed to hear. To have hope, find joy, keep living. I forced myself to get up, get dressed, and get out of the house. I decided to run from the lies. And run to the Lord instead.."

    You've got it, girl. Run to Him! He will give you that hope you look for & the peace you may wonder is possible. He's with you & He will help you defeat those lies.

    And I will be praying for you :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Jess! Appreciate your words.

      Delete
  5. Praying for you, sweet friend! This is a beautiful post ... honest and transparent. You are such an amazing person! May God wrap His loving arms around you and may you feel joy and peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Brooke. I miss you lady, been thinking about you. we should skype sometime :)

      Delete
  6. What a real, raw, & honest post! So glad you are finding hope in Him even when it is hard and messy. I just recorded a vlog earlier today to put up tomorrow and I was talking just about what your sweet friend did for you. To be such a good friend to encourage you. The Lord brings people into your life at the perfect time and it is such a blessing. Praying for you during this trial that I can completely bear witness with. Have a great weekend! ~Stacy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you friend. just watched your vlog & you are cutest. such a sweet heart.

      Delete

Always Enjoy Hearing From You.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...